BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: GOVERNMENT SUBSIDIES FOR ORGANIC FOOD - PROS & CONS ANALYSIS

Explore an IELTS band 5.5 score essay sample discussing the pros and cons of governments subsidizing organic food. Understand the impact on health, environment, and budget allocation. A must-read for IELTS aspirants and organic food enthusiasts.

Writing Task

In many countries, people are choosing to live a healthier lifestyle by eating organic food products. However, organic foods can be more expensive than non-organic options. To what extent do you agree or disagree that governments should subsidize the cost of organic food to encourage healthier eating habits among their citizens? Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion. Support your answer with relevant examples and explanations.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

In contemporary life, organic food has been a prevalent anf publicly recorgnized phenomenon. As a small number of resident can aford this kind of food, it seems reaonable that stage budget should be used to subsidize the cost of organic gredients. However it is belive that this scinary is predominantly disadvantage. On the one hand, there are some reasons why governemt should subsidize the cost of organic food. Firstly, by reducing the cost, it will be easier for people to purchusing organic food, meaning that they would decrease the proportion of unhealthy food, which give them a hight risk of chronic disease, such as obesity, cardiovascular problems. Secondly, consuming organic food could prevent the solid degradation. Indeed, organic gradients are produced by an environmentaly frendly procedure, in which chemistry leading to harmful impacts on solid are exclused. On the other hand, I firmly believed that stage buget should not be used in organic food. The fist reason worth meationing is that people have various solution to maintain their health, which are cheaper. In fact instead of eating organic food, they can change their diet by rising the percen tage of vegetable, exercising reguraly. Another reason is that using money on healthy food leads to reduce the budget that could be paid for other important purpose. For instance, in developing countries, goverment subsidize could be used to enhace untrstructure or living condition of the poor. In conclusion, from my point of view, rather than used in organic food, gocerment funding should be used for other sector.
Words: 255Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/16/2023, 03:12 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay attempts to discuss both viewpoints regarding government subsidies for organic food, but lacks clear and logical progression of ideas. There is an effort to organize the essay with paragraphs dedicated to each viewpoint and a conclusion, but the transitions between ideas and paragraphs are weak, leading to a disjointed reading experience.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid abrupt shifts in ideas or topics within paragraphs; instead, use transitional phrases to guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that logically develop this idea.
  • Improve the logical sequencing of information, particularly in the body paragraphs, to ensure that each point builds on the previous one and contributes to the overall argument.
  • Use clear and appropriate linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between sentences and paragraphs, such as 'furthermore', 'however', 'on the other hand', and 'in conclusion'.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary with frequent errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation, which hinder clarity and precision. There is an attempt to use some topic-specific vocabulary related to organic food and government subsidies, but inaccuracies and repetition reduce the effectiveness of lexical resource.

Recommendations:

  • Practice using collocations and set phrases correctly. For example, 'environmentally friendly procedure' should be used instead of 'environmentaly frendly procedure', and 'enhance infrastructure' instead of 'enhace untrstructure'. This will improve the naturalness of the language used.
  • Use more precise word choices to convey meaning accurately. For example, replace 'stage budget' with 'state budget' and 'solid degradation' with 'soil degradation'.
  • Incorporate more complex and varied sentence structures to enhance lexical resource. This includes using different forms of words and phrases to express ideas more dynamically and reduce redundancy.
  • Improve spelling accuracy by carefully proofreading the essay or using spell-check tools to correct errors such as 'anf' to 'and', 'recorgnized' to 'recognized', 'aford' to 'afford', and 'reaonable' to 'reasonable'.
  • Expand vocabulary range by learning synonyms and topic-specific words to avoid repetition of words like 'organic food' and 'subsidize'. Use a thesaurus or vocabulary lists to find alternative expressions.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, with frequent errors in sentence formation, verb forms, and agreement. These errors often impede meaning and reduce clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Pay attention to plural forms and articles. For example, 'a small number of resident' should be 'a small number of residents'.
  • Improve sentence structure to enhance clarity. For instance, 'meaning that they would decrease the proportion of unhealthy food, which give them a hight risk' should be 'meaning that they would decrease the proportion of unhealthy food, which gives them a high risk'.
  • Avoid run-on sentences and ensure proper punctuation. For example, 'Indeed, organic gradients are produced by an environmentaly frendly procedure, in which chemistry leading to harmful impacts on solid are exclused.' needs restructuring for clarity.
  • Focus on improving subject-verb agreement, as errors in this area are frequent. For example, 'resident can aford' should be 'residents can afford'.
  • Work on correct verb forms and tenses. For instance, 'stage budget should be used' should be 'state budget should be used'.

Task Achievement5.0

The essay addresses the task prompt by discussing both viewpoints on whether governments should subsidize organic food to promote healthier eating habits. The writer presents arguments for both sides and provides a personal opinion, aligning with the requirements of the task. However, the response lacks depth in argument development and supporting examples.

Recommendations:

  • Clearly state the extent of agreement or disagreement in the introduction and conclusion to provide a coherent stance throughout the essay.
  • Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all points are relevant to the task prompt to maintain focus and clarity.
  • Expand on each viewpoint with more detailed explanations and examples to support the arguments presented. This will enhance the task response and show a thorough understanding of the topic.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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