BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: EXPLORING PROS AND CONS OF INDEPENDENT LIVING TREND

Explore our unique IELTS essay sample on the pros and cons of living alone, scoring a band of 5.5. Discover deep insights into personality development, commercial challenges and mental health concerns related to solitude. Ideal for IELTS preparation and understanding complex social trends.

Writing Task

In many countries, the number of people choosing to live by themselves is increasing rapidly. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend, and give your own opinion on whether this is a positive or negative development.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

It has been trend living alone all around the world and many countries have faced with this issue that the statistic of marriage is decreasing sharply. In my opinion living alone is a big problem in some aspects of personal life, however in some parts of personality people can increase their abilities. In one hand, living alone is a great way to recognize your personality weaknesses and try to solve them. for example, with loneliness matures learn how to face with their fears and bein stronger, such as fear of darkness. One reason which has made people to live alone is the commercial problems such as expensive products or accommodation. The government should solve this problems. On the other hand, being alone for a long time is a basic cause of depression. Human nature continually has desire to a partnership and companionship. people need a person for talking and asking for help, and for having a high level living and stimulating creativity on job or other activities. for example, a person can face to problems or sadness by interaction more easily than alone, otherwise when you have a partner, you can live more easily by sharing the pills or the paying of renting house. In conclusion, I agree with living alone while it is increasing dramatically and can be the reason of lack of population or marriages, however, the disadvantages of living by themselves is more than the advantages and its reasons must be identified and solved by the government.
Words: 250Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/17/2023, 08:23 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are issues with logical progression and connection between ideas, which affects the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid repetition of ideas, such as mentioning government intervention in both paragraphs without elaborating on its relevance to the main points.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea. The first body paragraph should focus more on the advantages of living alone, while the second should address the disadvantages more clearly.
  • Clarify connections between sentences within paragraphs. Use cohesive devices such as 'for instance,' 'in addition,' and 'consequently' to connect ideas within a paragraph.
  • Improve paragraph transitions by using linking words and phrases to guide the reader through the argument. For example, use 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' 'On the other hand,' to clearly mark shifts in discussion.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, but there are several errors in word choice and collocation that affect clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Use linking words and phrases more effectively to connect ideas and paragraphs, such as 'on the one hand' instead of 'in one hand'.
  • Focus on using appropriate collocations. For instance, 'face with this issue' should be 'face this issue'.
  • Be cautious with word forms and ensure correct usage, such as 'matures' which should be 'mature individuals'.
  • Avoid informal language in academic writing, such as 'being stronger' which could be replaced with 'becoming more resilient'.
  • Expand your vocabulary range by learning synonyms and antonyms to express ideas more precisely and avoid repetition.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, with frequent errors in sentence structure, verb forms, and agreement that occasionally hinder meaning.

Recommendations:

  • Improve subject-verb agreement, especially in complex sentences. For instance, 'The government should solve this problems' should be 'The government should solve these problems.'
  • Expand the use of complex sentences to show a wider range of grammatical structures. This could involve more subordinate clauses or conditional sentences.
  • Pay attention to verb forms and tenses. For example, 'matures learn how to face with their fears' should be 'individuals learn how to face their fears.'
  • Use articles correctly, since they are often omitted or used incorrectly. For example, 'a high level living' should be 'a high level of living.'
  • Work on sentence structure to avoid fragments and run-on sentences. For example, 'It has been trend living alone all around the world' should be 'It has been a trend for people to live alone all around the world.'

Task Achievement5.0

The essay addresses the task prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of living alone, and provides an opinion on whether this trend is positive or negative. However, the response lacks depth in the exploration of these points and the opinion is not strongly supported with clear arguments.

Recommendations:

  • Provide more detailed examples and explanations for both the advantages and disadvantages to strengthen your arguments.
  • Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea that directly relates to the task prompt, with supporting details and examples.
  • Conclude the essay with a stronger summary that reinforces your opinion and the main points discussed.
  • Develop a clearer thesis statement that explicitly states your opinion on whether living alone is a positive or negative development.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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