BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: EXAMINING THE IMPACT OF FAST FOOD REPLACING TRADITIONAL CUISINE

Discover comprehensive IELTS band 5.5 essay analysis on the increasing trend of fast food consumption over traditional meals. Explore its health implications, impact on culture, and the potential future of our culinary habits. Understand why prioritizing health and preserving traditional food culture is vital for our society. Learn from our IELTS essay samples and improve your writing skills.

Writing Task

In many countries, traditional food is being replaced by international fast food. This has negative effects on families, individuals, and society in general. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion and support it with relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

nowadays people are using fast foods and junk foods more than local cousins and traditional foods. there must be several drawbacks in Using fast foods instead of traditional foods including, increase irreversible damages to health of people and forget tradition foods which are very significant in the culture of people. However there are several benefits in consume fast foods for instance, saving time and easily accessibility. Regardless of many advantages ,the worst thing about using fast foods is that it leads to increase irreversible damages to health of people for example conditions such as overweighting, heart diseases, which result in the destruction of health society. Another negative point is that people will forget their local cousins and culinary skills, which can cause the destroyed of culture. For instance in many countries people eat special foods in their occasions whereas they get together and have fun. in compared of many disadvantes, there are several benefits, the best thing about eating fast foods is that it leads to saving time, currently most people have to work more than past so they don't have many leisure time to spend on cocking, another positive point is that it is easily accessibility, it means you can buy fast food from gourmet restaurants or even order online. Unfortunately, it is very likely that fast foods will gain more popularity in the future , while you can see that there are already changes in the form of taste of people have begun in the surrounding. undeniably, this way is not the most cost-effective way for living. In conclusion, in my opinion, people have to care their health and culture and protect of traditional foods and avoid from fast foods.
Words: 282Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/22/2023, 10:36 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, it lacks coherence due to abrupt transitions and inconsistent use of linking words. Cohesion is somewhat maintained through repetition of key ideas, but overall flow is hindered by grammatical errors and unclear sentence structures.

Recommendations:

  • Rephrase sentences to reduce grammatical errors, which can disrupt cohesion, and ensure ideas are clearly expressed.
  • Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas between and within paragraphs, such as 'on the other hand,' 'furthermore,' and 'as a result.'
  • Avoid abrupt transitions between contrasting ideas by using transitional phrases like 'despite this' or 'in contrast.'
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all sentences within the paragraph are related to that topic, enhancing the logical flow of ideas.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a range of vocabulary, but there are frequent inaccuracies and limited flexibility. Some words are used inappropriately, and there are instances of incorrect word forms and collocations. This affects the clarity and precision of the essay.

Recommendations:

  • Focus on expanding vocabulary by learning synonyms and different word forms to improve word choice and precision.
  • Check for spelling errors like 'cousins' instead of 'cuisine' and 'cocking' instead of 'cooking' to ensure correct word usage.
  • Work on using collocations correctly, such as 'local cuisine' instead of 'local cousins' and 'culinary skills' instead of 'culinary skills'.
  • Improve the use of linking words and phrases to enhance the coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates limited grammatical range and accuracy, with frequent errors in sentence structure, punctuation, and verb forms. There are issues with subject-verb agreement and inconsistent use of tenses.

Recommendations:

  • Focus on consistent verb tense usage throughout the essay to maintain clarity.
  • Practice using punctuation correctly, especially commas and periods, to improve readability.
  • Work on subject-verb agreement by practicing with simple sentences and gradually increasing complexity.
  • Improve sentence structure by using a variety of sentence types, such as compound and complex sentences, to enhance coherence.

Task Achievement5.0

The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both the negative effects of international fast food on health and culture and its benefits like convenience and time-saving. However, the response lacks a clear stance on the extent of agreement or disagreement. The essay discusses the issues but does not fully develop the argument or provide sufficient relevant examples.

Recommendations:

  • Provide more specific examples from personal experience or knowledge to support your arguments, especially regarding the impact on health and culture.
  • Develop the arguments more fully by explaining the consequences of the issues raised, such as how health issues affect individuals and society.
  • Clearly state your position on the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement in the introduction and consistently support this stance throughout the essay.
  • Ensure that each paragraph clearly contributes to the overall argument by explicitly linking back to the main thesis or opinion.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5

Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5

Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5

Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5