BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: DISCUSSING GOVERNMENT FUNDING FOR ARTS PROJECTS AND ITS IMPACT ON CULTURAL IDENTITY

Dive into our expert IELTS essay samples. Explore a balanced discussion on the importance of art in culture, its preservation role in government and need for private sector investment. An in-depth analysis of societal needs vs art heritage. Ideal for IELTS Band 5.5 preparation.

Writing Task

Some people believe that the government should not fund art projects or promote the arts, as it is a waste of money that could be better spent on other public services. Others argue that a nation's cultural identity is enhanced by government support for the arts. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Provide relevant examples and reasons to support your answer.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

Art is a way to introduce a culture and civilization of a country to others nations. so it is important that different branches of art such as painting and music are considered by government and people. some believe that it is not government responsibility to invest on art area since there are other priorities in the country. While, others argue that protecting of art inheritage is up to civil authorities. this essay agrees with second view. because many art stuff are priceless and indicate the reputation and culture of a nation. both views will be discussed in following paragraphs and a precise conclusion will be discussed. Needless to say that art has a wide variety of things. many people spend all their professional life to be expert in one branch of art. So, it is neccessary to allocate some budget by government to preserve are master picses which created by well-known artists. For instance. Takhte Jamshid Structure is one of the Iranian famous architectual art which was made by ancient Iranian architects. this building attracted many tourists from all around the world to Iran. So, it is a government duty to protect it due to the fact that tourism improves economy of a country. on the other hand, it is believed by some that there are other priorities in society which are more significant than art projects such as boosting educational infrastructures and omitting poverty in deprived areas. Therefore, government needs to concentrate on this issues rather than art topics. It is agreed that providing basic needs of nations should be the first concern of officials. for example, when the rate of unemployment and crime is increasing drastically, investing on art can not improve the standard level of population lives. In conclusion, although art area needs to be considered, but it is better that it be funded by private sector rather than public section. Especially due to unhealthy economic situation in developing countries like Iran, private individuals should be encouraged in order to invest in art projects. In other words, civil officials are expected to pay more attention financially to deprived areas of their countries and boost their economic condition.
Words: 360Paragraphs: 5
Submitted: 7/18/2023, 10:06 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay presents ideas in a logical order, discussing both views on government funding for the arts and providing a personal opinion. However, there are issues with coherence and cohesion, such as abrupt transitions between ideas and inconsistent use of cohesive devices, which disrupt the flow of the essay.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea to improve coherence.
  • Use a wider range of cohesive devices, such as 'furthermore', 'in addition', or 'however', to connect sentences and ideas more effectively.
  • Avoid abrupt transitions between paragraphs by using linking words or phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
  • Improve paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph contains a single main idea supported by relevant examples or explanations.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary with some attempts to use less common lexical items. However, there are frequent errors in word choice, word forms, and collocations that affect clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Improve word choice by learning and practicing the use of more precise vocabulary. For example, replace 'art stuff' with 'artifacts' or 'artworks'.
  • Pay attention to collocations and ensure that words are used in natural combinations, such as 'allocate budget' should be 'allocate funds'.
  • Expand vocabulary related to the topic by reading more about arts and culture to use a wider range of terms accurately.
  • Use synonyms to avoid repetition, such as replacing 'government' with 'state' or 'authorities' in some instances.
  • Learn correct word forms and ensure their usage, such as 'architectual' should be 'architectural' and 'inheritage' should be 'heritage'.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, with some attempts at complex sentences. However, there are frequent grammatical errors, particularly in sentence structure, punctuation, and verb forms, which sometimes impede meaning.

Recommendations:

  • Improve verb forms and tenses to ensure they are consistent and appropriate to the context.
  • Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, especially in sentences with complex subjects.
  • Practice using articles correctly, as errors in article usage are frequent.
  • Work on sentence structure to ensure each sentence is complete and correctly punctuated. Avoid sentence fragments and run-ons.
  • Increase the use of complex sentences by using a variety of subordinating conjunctions to show relationships between ideas more clearly.

Task Achievement5.0

The essay addresses both views of the prompt, discussing the importance of government support for the arts and the opposing view that other public services should take precedence. The writer also provides their own opinion, agreeing with the view that government should support the arts, but suggests private sector involvement due to economic constraints.

Recommendations:

  • Clarify the conclusion to ensure it aligns with the opinions and arguments presented earlier in the essay.
  • Ensure that both views are discussed with equal depth and clarity. The essay currently provides more examples and reasoning for supporting the arts than against it.
  • Clearly state your position in the introduction and ensure it is consistently reflected throughout the essay, especially in the conclusion.
  • Provide more specific examples and reasons for the opposing view to strengthen the balance of the discussion.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5

Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5

Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5

Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5