BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: DEBATING ECONOMIC GROWTH AND TECHNOLOGICAL ADVANCEMENTS' IMPACT ON WEALTH GAP
Explore this comprehensive band 5.5 score IELTS essay sample discussing the prevalent issue of obesity across generations. Understand the causes, effects, and practical solutions to this health crisis, with a focus on the role of technology, lifestyle changes, and government regulations.
Writing Task
Economic growth and technological advancements have improved the overall quality of life for many people. However, some argue that these developments contribute to a widening gap between the rich and the poor. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Provide reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback
Over the last few decades, adiposity has become prevalent among numerous generations. Although most people are struggling which consequences, they are still adherent to unhealthy routines. This epidemic crisis would affect not only children but also adults. There are both reasons and solutions.
One of the main reasons might be a radical shift in children’s daily regimen. It means that reclining on the bed, children often dedicate their leisure time to internet base gaming instead of participating in physical recreation in the open air, as it used to be, before the dramatic development in technology. Moreover, adults are also involved in this global problem, which could be due to having a hectic lifestyle. So that they do not have too much free time to care about whether what they eat is nutritious enough or not. For instance. Most of nine to five employees’ staple food has been made up of convenience foods, which are nowhere near as healthy as traditional foods. As a consequence, they will put on weight and become ill.
Turning to possible solutions. Children’s access to internet-connected devices had better be restricted by their parents. Evidently, in many thoughtful families, if children spend their pastime in outdoor activities, would they be allowed to do E-gaming as a gift. In terms of addressing the problem for adults, the government can regulate ready-to-eat industries in the same way that they regulate drug and alcohol industries. For example, the amount of either artificial flavoring and preservatives or fat and salt which had been used in the food preparation process should not exceed a pre-established dosage. Therefore, those who consume these kinds of foods would take healthier foods and this would assist them to stop gaining weight.
In conclusion, undoubtedly widespread corpulent issue is getting worse and worse because of the alternation in children’s daily schedules and adults’ time-pressed lifestyles. Unless parents and governments take steps, all generations including juveniles and grown-ups will suffer from diseases that arise as a consequence of corpulence.
Words: 332|Paragraphs: 4
Submitted: 7/20/2023, 02:34 PM
Coherence And Cohesion5.0
Lexical Resource5.0
Grammatical Range5.0
Task Achievement4.0
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:How well the essay is organized and how well ideas are connected throughout.5.0
Lexical Resource:The range of vocabulary used and how accurately and appropriately it is used.5.0
Grammatical Range:The range and accurate use of grammar structures.5.0
Task Achievement:How well the essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a fully developed response.4.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement4
Complete response4
Clear & comprehensive ideas4
Relevant & specific examples4
Appropriate word count5