BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: COMPARING TEACHING DISCIPLINE VS CRITICAL THINKING FOR RESPONSIBLE CITIZENS

Explore IELTS essay samples scored at Band 5.5. Delve into the debate on whether discipline and obedience or critical thinking should be taught in schools. Discover how education can shape children's behaviour and influence society's future.

Writing Task

Some people believe that the best way to produce responsible citizens is to teach discipline and obedience in schools. Others argue that teaching children to think critically and make informed decisions is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Support your answer with relevant examples and evidence.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

these days, build an appriopriate society become to an fundemental concern for governments.some experts believe that, for being constructive should teach discipline and obedience in school but the others believe that childern should get some specific education to think critically and make wise decision.of course both of these views have advantages and some disadvantages, which can be practical or distructive. get children educated become to a primary concern for many governments and some people believe that they should teached dicipline in school.implement this kind of enterprises could be useful for childern to learn how to behave appropriate, which have great effects on society; besides, it could be meaningful and practical for them because learning these bahaves could be useful for their study in school ,because this is substantial how to programm their aims, which is a constructive act, and in the future it will be lucrative not only for students but also for the society that they are live in. however, some experts believe that children should become critical thinkers and make wise decisions rather that teached dicipline and obedience.one of the significant reasons could be that it can make childern ready for the difficult decision, they will be make, and this could be very practical for them in the future;futhermore, it can make them think abount all things that they are going to see and being critical should be very essential for them.imagine that childern ,who are educated in this way, could make right decision and undoubtdly it could be very substantial for our society. in conclusion, both of these views could be practical for children and their prospect but my perception is that teach children discipline and obedience could be very useful for their future proffesions and i think there is a host of practical avenue to teach childern these behaves;aslo, that all childern are the main reason for bulding a societie's future is a proven fact and i think they should educated in the most fascinating way.
Words: 330Paragraphs: 4
Submitted: 7/23/2023, 08:48 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay attempts to discuss both views regarding teaching discipline and obedience versus critical thinking in schools. However, the coherence and cohesion are affected by unclear structure, inconsistent use of linking words, and frequent grammatical errors that hinder clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Employ a range of cohesive devices and linking words to connect ideas logically, such as 'Firstly,' 'On the other hand,' 'Moreover,' to guide the reader through the argument.
  • Avoid run-on sentences by breaking them into shorter, clearer sentences to enhance readability and coherence.
  • Use clear paragraphing to organize the essay. Each paragraph should introduce a single main idea supported by examples.
  • Ensure each paragraph logically flows from one to the next, maintaining a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary with some attempts at using less common lexical items. However, there are frequent spelling errors and incorrect word forms, which affect clarity and precision. Examples include 'appriopriate' instead of 'appropriate', 'fundemental' instead of 'fundamental', and 'teached' instead of 'taught'. These errors detract from the overall quality of the lexical resource.

Recommendations:

  • Review basic grammar rules to ensure correct word forms, such as verb conjugations and noun forms.
  • Expand your vocabulary by reading a variety of texts and noting down new words along with their meanings and usage.
  • Use a thesaurus to find synonyms and practice using them in context to enhance lexical variety.
  • Focus on improving spelling and word forms by practicing with a list of commonly misspelled words and using them in sentences.

Grammatical Range4.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, with frequent errors in sentence construction, verb forms, and punctuation. These errors hinder comprehension and clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Practice using complex sentences correctly, ensuring that dependent clauses are properly connected to main clauses.
  • Review and practice the correct use of punctuation, especially commas and periods, to enhance readability.
  • Work on verb tense consistency to ensure that the tense usage aligns with the context of the sentence.
  • Focus on subject-verb agreement, ensuring that verbs match their subjects in number and person.
  • Improve sentence structure by avoiding run-on sentences and ensuring each sentence has a clear subject and predicate.

Task Achievement5.0

The essay addresses the task prompt by discussing both viewpoints on teaching discipline versus critical thinking in schools. It attempts to provide a balanced discussion and states a personal opinion, aligning with the task requirements.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure that each viewpoint is clearly explained with specific examples and evidence to support the claims made. This will strengthen the argument and task achievement.
  • Provide a more detailed personal opinion with supporting reasons and examples to enhance the conclusion and overall task achievement.
  • Improve clarity and coherence by structuring the essay into clear paragraphs with topic sentences that directly relate to the task prompt. This will help in effectively communicating the main ideas.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:4.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range4
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar4
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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