BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: BALANCING ENVIRONMENTAL CONCERNS AND ECONOMIC GROWTH DISCUSSION

Explore an in-depth analysis of an IELTS Band 5.5 essay discussing the correlation between environmental issues and economic development. Uncover the impact of plastic overuse on pollution, understand why economic stability is crucial for environmental solutions, and delve into pressing issues like poverty and starvation.

Writing Task

In today's world, many people argue that it is essential to address environmental issues, while others believe that the primary focus should be on economic development. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Provide relevant examples and evidence to support your response.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

Nowadays,some peple believe that environmental problems are the most important issue and it is necessary to solve them,whereas I argue than economic crisis needs more attention. Undoubtedly, environmental problems are one of the most concerning issues in today's world.There are many serious problems in our environment such as overusing of plastics.Unfortunately,overconsumption of the plastic materials brings numerous problems such as air pollution since one way to eliminate plastic rubbish is burning.the huge magnitude of carbon dioxide and other emissios are generated by burning plastics and increase the level of greenhouse gasses and air pollution.Air pollutant might be detrimental for haman and animals.That is to say,they cause many disease.Overusing of the plastics is one small example of the numerous environmental issues.these problems threat not only human life but also other creatures.Therefore,it is probably crucial issue that sould be considered. On the other hand, environmental problems need money to be solved.for examle recycling the plastic materials rather than burning them require budget.Hence,some environmental issues might be solved by spending money and economic development.Moreover,there are more vital problems such as poverty and stavation.As a result,economic improvement is prabably essential and it is more significant than other problems. Poverty might be eliminated by spending money and enhance the infrustucture. In other words, economic development might be the most effective factor for removing poverty and starvation. Hence, economic improvent is probably most crucial issue that shoud be focoused. In conclusion, although envirionmental problems are certainly vital for human and animal, they might not be solved without economis development. Moreover,there are more serious economic issues such as hunger.
Words: 262Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/21/2023, 08:43 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both environmental issues and economic development. However, the coherence and cohesion are hindered by abrupt transitions, lack of clear linkage between ideas, and inconsistent paragraph structure.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid abrupt shifts in focus within paragraphs to maintain a logical progression of ideas.
  • Use cohesive devices such as linking words (e.g., 'however', 'in addition', 'furthermore') to smoothly transition between ideas and paragraphs.
  • Ensure pronoun references are clear to avoid confusion, for example, specify what 'they' refers to in context.
  • Improve paragraph structure by clearly introducing, explaining, and concluding each point. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, including terms like 'environmental problems', 'air pollution', and 'economic development'. However, there are frequent spelling mistakes and occasional misuse of words that reduce clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more complex lexical phrases and idiomatic expressions to enhance the sophistication of your writing, such as 'addressing pressing environmental concerns' or 'bolstering economic infrastructure.'
  • Expand your lexical range by incorporating more varied and precise vocabulary related to environmental and economic topics. For example, instead of 'huge magnitude', use 'significant volume' or 'substantial quantity'.
  • Use collocations and phrases more accurately. For instance, 'overusing of plastics' should be 'overuse of plastics', and 'air pollutant might be detrimental' should be 'air pollution can be detrimental'.
  • Improve spelling accuracy by proofreading the essay or using spell-check tools to correct errors such as 'peple' (people), 'emissios' (emissions), and 'stavation' (starvation).

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are frequent errors that affect clarity and coherence. The writer attempts complex sentences, but often makes mistakes in verb forms, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure.

Recommendations:

  • Pay attention to the correct spelling of words to prevent errors that can distract from the overall message.
  • Improve the use of articles ('a', 'an', 'the') to ensure they are correctly applied in sentences.
  • Practice using a wider variety of sentence types, including complex and compound-complex sentences, to demonstrate a broader grammatical range.
  • Review and practice subject-verb agreement to ensure that verbs correctly match their subjects in number and person.
  • Work on sentence structure to avoid run-on sentences and ensure proper use of conjunctions.

Task Achievement5.0

The essay addresses the task by discussing both environmental issues and economic development, aligning with the prompt's requirement to discuss both views and provide an opinion. The writer presents arguments for both sides, acknowledging the importance of environmental issues and the necessity of economic development. However, the essay lacks balance and depth in exploring both perspectives equally and does not clearly articulate the writer's own opinion or justify it with strong evidence.

Recommendations:

  • Clearly state your own opinion and support it with specific examples and evidence.
  • Reinforce your conclusion by summarizing the key points discussed and how they lead to your final opinion.
  • Ensure both views are discussed with equal depth and support each with relevant examples and evidence.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5

Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5

Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5

Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5