BAND 5.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: EXPLORING PROS AND CONS OF WORK FROM HOME TREND IN VARIOUS COUNTRIES
Explore the factor influencing a focus on fit bodies over health benefits in sports with our IELTS essay sample. Understand the societal and media impacts, as well as potential problems this view may cause. Learn the importance of balance in maintaining physical and mental health through sports.
Writing Task
In many countries, the number of people working from home has increased significantly due to the advancements in technology. While some argue that this trend has numerous benefits, others believe it can lead to serious problems.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 4.0 Scoring and Feedback
Many people do different kinds of sports these days, however their main focus is having a fit body rather than focusing on the health benefits of sports.
Why is this the case?
What problems can this view cause for them?
Engage in regular exercise is important for many people, but nowadays people primary emphasis on achieving a physically fit body rather than prioritizing the health benefits of sports. In my opinion sports are important way to help physical fitness but the more important point is that the main function of doing sport is improve our physical and also mental health. In this essay will address why people focus on having a fit body rather than merits of sports.
The reason behind that why people prefer sports to have a fit body is deferent, one of that is, most people in this era are influenced by media and society. Thanks to social media people believe that should have an ideal body and this reason lead to they focus more on their physical appearance instead of their overall health. Lake of awareness is another issue that especially youth don’t care their health. If people know about what effects sports have on their mental and physical health, they will no longer think only about fitness. As my experience, after one of my friends went on a diet and started to exercise and then she was fit, she had a very bad chronic backache
that was due to lake of awareness concerning lose weight.
In other hand, the problems caused by this view is, over exercising that may people push themselves too hard in pursuit of fit body. Another point that people neglect to that is, when they focus solely on their appearance, it cause to don’t attention their self-cognitive, overcoming stress or other matters of self-knowledge.
To conclude, many people use sports just for losing weight and be on fit, not a true way for their health. I suppose to the main goal of doing sports is save our health, both physically and mentally. And because people are very influenced by social media, they should learn from it and not just look after their body shape.
Words: 363|Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/23/2023, 09:24 AM
Coherence And Cohesion4.0
Lexical Resource4.0
Grammatical Range4.0
Task Achievement4.0
GRADED
4.0
Coherence and Cohesion:How well the essay is organized and how well ideas are connected throughout.4.0
Lexical Resource:The range of vocabulary used and how accurately and appropriately it is used.4.0
Grammatical Range:The range and accurate use of grammar structures.4.0
Task Achievement:How well the essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a fully developed response.4.0
Band Score:4.0
Coherence and Cohesion4
Logical structure4
Introduction & conclusion present4
Supported main points4
Accurate linking words4
Variety in linking words4
Lexical Resource4
Varied vocabulary4
Accurate spelling & word formation4
Grammatical Range4
Mix of complex & simple sentences4
Clear and correct grammar4
Task Achievement4
Complete response4
Clear & comprehensive ideas4
Relevant & specific examples4
Appropriate word count4