BAND 5.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: AFFORDABLE GOVERNMENT HOUSING FOR YOUNG ADULTS - AGREE OR DISAGREE?

Discover the benefits of adopting homeless pets in our in-depth IELTS sample essay. Explore how keeping pets can lead to improved physical and emotional health, create safer communities, and positively impact society. Dive into personal stories and scientific evidence supporting these claims. A must-read for any IELTS candidate and animal lover seeking a band 5.0 score.

Writing Task

In many countries, owning a home has become increasingly difficult for young adults, as housing prices continue to rise. Some people argue that governments should provide affordable housing to help young adults purchase their first property. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Provide your opinion and support it with relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 3.0 Scoring and Feedback

Did you know how many homeless pets are dead in the street because of getting hit by cars or starving? Nowadays, many families are so small and have a child or two. Therefore, it will be a wise decision to bring home a pet as a new member of the family. Keeping pets at home will have many good effects on the pets’ and the families’ health and also make society safer. Keeping pets at home keep them physically healthier. Pets are domestic animals who are kept by humans because they can’t survive alone. Sometimes they are killed or eaten by wild animals or died because of many reasons, like starvation, accident, or so forth. I remember last year my cousin found an injured cat in the street and she brought her home, cured his injury, and kept it at home. Now the cat is a lovely member of their family and they are getting used to the cat. Also, keeping pets at home has many health benefits for the family members. Nowadays, because of stressful lifestyles, parents have many mental diseases that affect children. It is proven by scientists that keeping pets can reduce the stress of the family, improve heart health, and make the family happier. I remember 3 years ago that my uncle was living alone because of his wife’s death and he was so depressed. After about a year he brought home a husky and his life changed, surprisingly. He was not alone anymore and he was over the moon. Keeping pets at home make society a safer place, too. As we see frequently on the streets, there are many homeless pets there, and some of them are badly injured that sometimes causes them to become wild and invade people. Also, sometimes a sudden jump of a pet in a street can cause a serious accident. When people keep pets at home and the government gathers homeless animals we will have a safer society. I have read a piece of news in a newspaper about a country where the people were bothered by homeless animals that the government gathered them and people volunteered to keep them after vaccination and cure and most of them were so happy because of such a wise decision. In conclusion, keeping pets at home will make life better for humans. I hope people pay more attention to keeping homeless animals at home regardless of their breeds.
Words: 405Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/17/2023, 02:49 PM

Coherence And Cohesion3.0

The essay lacks coherence and cohesion as it does not address the given prompt about housing and government intervention. The ideas presented are unrelated to the topic, leading to a lack of logical progression and clarity in argumentation. The use of cohesive devices is inconsistent and does not effectively link ideas within or between paragraphs.

Recommendations:

  • Use cohesive devices such as 'furthermore', 'however', and 'for example' to clearly link ideas within and between paragraphs.
  • Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, maintaining a clear focus on the central argument.
  • Conclude with a summary that ties back to the main argument about government intervention in housing.
  • Ensure that the essay directly addresses the prompt. Discuss the issue of housing affordability for young adults and the role of government in providing affordable housing.
  • Organize the essay logically, with clear topic sentences that directly relate to the prompt and supporting details that follow a logical order.

Lexical Resource3.0

The essay does not address the prompt about housing and instead discusses keeping pets at home. This oversight affects the lexical resource as the vocabulary used is not relevant to the task. However, within the topic of pet ownership, the essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, such as 'physically healthier', 'mental diseases', 'stressful lifestyles', and 'safer society'. The vocabulary is generally appropriate for discussing the benefits of pet ownership, but there are some inaccuracies and awkward expressions, such as 'did you know how many homeless pets are dead', 'died because of many reasons', and 'invade people'.

Recommendations:

  • Use collocations and idiomatic expressions appropriately to enhance the essay's lexical resource, such as 'financial burden', 'government intervention', and 'homeownership dreams'.
  • Expand the range of vocabulary by incorporating more varied and precise words related to the topic. For example, use 'economic barriers' instead of 'many reasons' and 'endangered' instead of 'dead'.
  • Improve the accuracy of vocabulary by avoiding awkward or incorrect expressions. For example, 'invade people' could be replaced with 'pose a threat to individuals'.
  • Ensure that the vocabulary used is relevant to the task prompt. Focus on housing-related vocabulary such as 'affordable housing', 'real estate market', 'property ownership', and 'housing crisis'.

Grammatical Range3.0

The essay displays a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple and compound sentences. There are instances of incorrect verb forms and subject-verb agreement errors, such as 'pets are dead' and 'keeping pets at home keep them physically healthier.' These errors affect the clarity and coherence of the essay. Additionally, the essay could benefit from more complex sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical proficiency.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more complex sentences to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures, such as using subordinate clauses.
  • Use a variety of sentence structures, including passive voice, conditional sentences, and relative clauses, to enhance grammatical range.
  • Ensure correct verb forms and subject-verb agreement throughout the essay, for example, 'pets die' instead of 'pets are dead' and 'keeping pets at home keeps them physically healthier' instead of 'keeping pets at home keep them physically healthier.'

Task Achievement2.0

The essay does not address the prompt about housing affordability and government intervention directly. Instead, it discusses the benefits of keeping pets at home, which is unrelated to the task. Therefore, the task achievement is not met as the essay fails to respond to the main question about housing and government policy.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure you fully understand and address the task prompt. Focus your essay on the issue of housing affordability for young adults and the role of government in providing affordable housing.
  • Include relevant examples and arguments that directly relate to the topic of housing, not unrelated topics like pet ownership.
  • Clearly state your position regarding the prompt and consistently support it with arguments and examples throughout the essay.
GRADED
3.0
Coherence and Cohesion:3.0
Lexical Resource:3.0
Grammatical Range:3.0
Task Achievement:2.0
Band Score:3.0
Coherence and Cohesion3
Logical structure2
Introduction & conclusion present3
Supported main points2
Accurate linking words3
Variety in linking words3

Lexical Resource3
Varied vocabulary3
Accurate spelling & word formation3

Grammatical Range3
Mix of complex & simple sentences3
Clear and correct grammar3

Task Achievement2
Complete response1
Clear & comprehensive ideas2
Relevant & specific examples2
Appropriate word count4