BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: EXPLORING ALTERNATIVE MEASURES TO PRISON SENTENCES FOR REDUCING CRIME RATES

Explore our IELTS essay sample on alternate penal methods. This in-depth analysis of band 5.5 score IELTS essay addresses the societal and financial impacts of traditional prison sentences, offering a fresh perspective on non-cruel punishment methods. Dive in to learn more about crime prevention & effective offender rehabilitation strategies.

Writing Task

In many countries, the use of prison sentences as a punishment is seen as an increasingly ineffective method for reducing crime rates. Some people believe that alternative measures should be explored and adopted. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this viewpoint? Discuss alternative measures that could be implemented to reduce crime rates and provide your opinion on their potential effectiveness.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 4.5 Scoring and Feedback

since the immemorial time, crime and the pre-determined penalties have long been a source of constant debate. There is a widely held view among the individuals that going to the jail is no longer deems as much productive measure as used to be, therefore, other precautions activity could be applied to supervise the criminal events. I find my self in of this belief. sentencing prison punishment for a majority of offender can bring about dire repercussions in terms of social and financial matters. From one hand, people who spend the long period in the jail not only deprived bonding with other people and compensating their mistake but also could be fireclay affected by those who are punished on the grounds of high level of their punitive activity. moreover, putting all the criminals ignorant of their fault will conducive to pecuniary issues for city planners in order to accommodate the basic needs of them, as a result, they lose the chance to capitalize on other public affairs. As opposed to what outlined above, employing less non-cruel measures in aim of dwindling crime percentage benefited both offenders as well as social community. From social vantage point, implementing other sort of punishment such as cleansing the street for a long duration instead of harsh ones has this potential to not only teach the important lesson to the affected people with fault but also benefit the city dwellers as well. what is more, decision makers are more capable to manage the prisons-related issues and go for other sensitive complication. from what discussed above one could conclude that, harsh method would not necessarily guarantee the low range of offensive act in one society but embedding other crucial action could bring about profound impact for a country as whole, which deserves public and governors attention more than in the bygone.
Words: 304Paragraphs: 4
Submitted: 7/17/2023, 02:17 PM

Coherence And Cohesion4.0

The essay addresses the topic of prison sentences and alternative measures for reducing crime. It presents an argument that supports exploring alternative measures over traditional prison sentences. However, the essay lacks clear logical progression and effective paragraphing, which impacts its coherence and cohesion.

Recommendations:

  • Use linking words and phrases more effectively to connect ideas within and between paragraphs, such as 'however', 'on the other hand', 'in addition', and 'therefore'.
  • Ensure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main point of the paragraph to enhance logical progression.
  • Clarify and consistently use the essay structure: introduce the topic, discuss alternative measures, and conclude with your opinion.
  • Improve paragraph structure by clearly separating introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea.

Lexical Resource4.0

The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary with some attempts at using less common lexical items. However, there are numerous inaccuracies in word choice, collocation, and word form, which impede clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Practice using less common vocabulary accurately in your writing. Ensure that the words you choose fit the context and meaning you intend to convey.
  • Use a thesaurus or vocabulary lists to find synonyms, but ensure that the synonyms fit the context of your sentence.
  • Expand your vocabulary by reading widely and learning new words in context. Focus on collocations and phrases commonly used in academic writing.
  • Pay attention to word forms and ensure that nouns, verbs, adjectives, and adverbs are used correctly in sentences.
  • Revise and proofread your essay to identify and correct lexical errors, such as 'fireclay affected' and 'from one hand'.

Grammatical Range4.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, with frequent errors in sentence structure, verb forms, and agreement that impede comprehension.

Recommendations:

  • Use appropriate verb forms and tenses consistently. For instance, 'people who spend the long period in the jail not only deprived bonding' should be 'people who spend long periods in jail are not only deprived of bonding.'
  • Improve sentence structure by practicing complex and compound sentence formations. For example, revise 'since the immemorial time, crime and the pre-determined penalties have long been a source of constant debate.' to 'Since time immemorial, crime and its associated penalties have been subjects of constant debate.'
  • Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, such as in 'going to the jail is no longer deems as much productive measure' which should be 'going to jail is no longer deemed as a productive measure.'
  • Avoid run-on sentences by breaking them into smaller, clearer sentences. For example, 'From one hand, people who spend the long period in the jail not only deprived bonding with other people and compensating their mistake but also could be fireclay affected by those who are punished on the grounds of high level of their punitive activity.' could be split into 'On one hand, people who spend long periods in jail are not only deprived of social bonds and the opportunity to compensate for their mistakes, but they may also be negatively influenced by more hardened criminals.'

Task Achievement5.0

The essay addresses the task prompt by discussing the limitations of prison sentences and suggesting alternative measures to reduce crime rates. However, it lacks clarity in expressing the extent to which the writer agrees or disagrees with the viewpoint. The essay provides examples of alternative measures but does not effectively evaluate their potential effectiveness.

Recommendations:

  • Use more precise language to clearly convey your arguments and opinions.
  • Provide a more structured discussion of alternative measures, including specific examples and their potential effectiveness.
  • Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that directly relates to the task prompt.
  • Clearly state the extent to which you agree or disagree with the viewpoint in the introduction and conclusion.
GRADED
4.5
Coherence and Cohesion:4.0
Lexical Resource:4.0
Grammatical Range:4.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:4.5
Coherence and Cohesion4
Logical structure4
Introduction & conclusion present4
Supported main points4
Accurate linking words4
Variety in linking words4

Lexical Resource4
Varied vocabulary4
Accurate spelling & word formation4

Grammatical Range4
Mix of complex & simple sentences4
Clear and correct grammar4

Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5