BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: DISCUSSING THE IMPACT OF INCREASING WORK FROM HOME TRENDS DUE TO TECHNOLOGICAL ADVANCEMENTS

Explore our detailed IELTS Band 5.5 essay sample discussing the pros and cons of being employed in an uninteresting job versus unemployment. Gain insight into job satisfaction, financial stability, mental well-being, and the pursuit of career passions. Essential reading for IELTS preparation.

Writing Task

In many countries, the number of people working from home has increased significantly due to the advancements in technology. While some argue that this trend has numerous benefits, others believe it can lead to serious problems. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 4.0 Scoring and Feedback

It is better to be unemployed than to be employed in a job one does not enjoy. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Variable opinions have been put on the table when it comes to the job satisfaction. However, some say that being unemployed is better than being employed when you do not interested in. I will discuss this more in detail in paragraphs to come and explain whether I agree or disagree at the end. To begin with, unemployment can lead to financial hardship also negatively impacting both physical and mental health. Long-term unemployment can contribute to feelings of isolation, depression, and a lack of self-worth, which can be detrimental to overall well-being. Thus, the merits of this opinion are hard to support. On the other hand, financial stability is a primary concern for most individuals. It allows them to meet their basic needs. Being employed, even in a job that is not enjoyable can guarantee the income which can reduce the financial stress level of living. Also, having a job, even if it is not enjoyable, provides mental well-being which can help individuals to cope with the challenges in daily life. However, it is important to recognize that job satisfaction plays a crucial role in people’s happiness and professional success. Working in a job that aligns with one’s interest, values and skills can lead to increase motivation, engagement and productivity. Although, it is considered that finding a job align with individuals’ appearance takes time. No one can deny the fact that job satisfaction is important. Due to financial stability and overall well-being, being employed in a less enjoyable job is still more beneficial than being unemployed. Nevertheless, individuals should continue to seek opportunities for growth and pursue careers that align with their passions and interests.
Words: 299Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/17/2023, 02:02 PM

Coherence And Cohesion4.0

The essay attempts to discuss the topic but lacks coherence and cohesion. The ideas are not logically organized, and there is a noticeable disconnect between the task prompt and the essay content. Transitions between ideas are weak, and there is a lack of clear topic sentences that guide the reader through the argument, leading to confusion.

Recommendations:

  • Use clear and effective transitions between paragraphs and ideas to improve flow and guide the reader.
  • Develop clear topic sentences for each paragraph to introduce the main idea and maintain a logical progression of ideas.
  • Ensure the essay addresses the given task prompt directly. Reorganize the content to align with the prompt about working from home, rather than job satisfaction.
  • Remove irrelevant content and focus on discussing the advantages and disadvantages of working from home as per the prompt.

Lexical Resource4.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, including some topic-specific terms such as 'job satisfaction', 'financial hardship', and 'mental well-being'. However, there are instances of incorrect or awkward word choices and phrases that affect the clarity and precision of the arguments presented.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid repetition by using synonyms or rephrasing. The phrase 'not enjoyable' is repeated; consider using alternatives like 'unfulfilling' or 'uninspiring' to add variety.
  • Improve vocabulary precision by choosing words that accurately convey the intended meaning. For example, 'when you do not interested in' should be revised to 'when you are not interested in'.
  • Expand the range of vocabulary by incorporating more varied and sophisticated lexical choices. This could involve using synonyms or more specific terms where appropriate, such as replacing 'meet their basic needs' with 'fulfill their essential requirements'.
  • Ensure collocations are used correctly. For instance, 'align with individuals’ appearance' should be revised to 'align with individuals’ aspirations' or 'align with individuals’ preferences'.

Grammatical Range4.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, including simple and complex sentences. However, there are noticeable errors in sentence structure, verb forms, and agreement, which can affect clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Revise sentences for clarity and conciseness, ensuring that each sentence conveys a complete idea.
  • Use a variety of sentence structures, including more complex sentences, to demonstrate a wider grammatical range.
  • Pay attention to the correct use of verb tenses, particularly in hypothetical or conditional statements.
  • Avoid run-on sentences by correctly using punctuation marks such as commas and periods to separate independent clauses.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, especially in complex sentences (e.g., 'you do not interested' should be 'you are not interested').

Task Achievement3.0

The essay does not address the given task prompt, which asks for a discussion on the advantages and disadvantages of working from home due to technological advancements. Instead, it discusses whether it is better to be unemployed than to work in a job one does not enjoy. Therefore, the essay fails to achieve the task as specified in the prompt.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure the essay directly responds to the task prompt. Discuss the benefits and drawbacks of working from home due to technological advancements, as well as your own opinion on the matter.
  • Clearly outline both views mentioned in the prompt: the benefits of working from home and the potential problems it might cause.
  • Provide a clear opinion on the task prompt, ensuring it is directly related to the topic of working from home.
GRADED
4.0
Coherence and Cohesion:4.0
Lexical Resource:4.0
Grammatical Range:4.0
Task Achievement:3.0
Band Score:4.0
Coherence and Cohesion4
Logical structure4
Introduction & conclusion present4
Supported main points4
Accurate linking words4
Variety in linking words4

Lexical Resource4
Varied vocabulary4
Accurate spelling & word formation4

Grammatical Range4
Mix of complex & simple sentences4
Clear and correct grammar4

Task Achievement3
Complete response3
Clear & comprehensive ideas3
Relevant & specific examples3
Appropriate word count3