BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYZING HOME EDUCATION VS REGULAR SCHOOLING FOR CHILDREN

Boost your IELTS preparation with our band 5.5 score essay sample. Navigate the challenges of social behavior in schools versus home, understand the importance of communication skills and learn how child upbringing impacts future. Ideal for students seeking IELTS writing examples.

Writing Task

Some people believe that it is important for young children to attend school, while others think that they should spend more time with their family at home. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Provide relevant examples and reasons to support your answer.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 4.0 Scoring and Feedback

Today’s children become tomorrow’s citizens so allowing them to can consistent with community it a chief this is why the children need an environment to can learning all the thing that be urgent to enter social adult, which place better than school. Schools have important role in forming children’s social behaviour so in my opinion attend at school it’s absolutely better than stay at home with their family because till 5,6 years children normally with their parents all the time only after sending school they have chance to discover the other human and can get a long with them additionally this will help them improve communication skills. For instance if the people learn how can attitude with their opposite sex when they are children they don't have problem in future with this case and they can solve it. In the other hand some people think if their children spend a lot of time with them it's more impressive and beneficial for their kid's this issue most of the time will happen with children who live in countryside and have a rural family the reason of that it's this people belief that the children should be learn how they can afford of their cost moreover cause of they didn't learn any skill, they forced to continue their father's job furthermore the most important things they convert to a aggressive person. As we have seen both method have disadvantage consequence however i am quite sure it's very crucial for children to attent at school.
Words: 252Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/18/2023, 10:17 AM

Coherence And Cohesion4.0

The essay attempts to discuss both views regarding whether children should attend school or spend more time at home. However, the coherence and cohesion are significantly lacking due to unclear organization, weak paragraphing, and poor use of linking words.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that states the main idea of the paragraph.
  • Provide clear and logical transitions between discussing the two views and your opinion.
  • Avoid long and complex sentences that can confuse the reader. Break them into simpler sentences to enhance clarity.
  • Use clear paragraphing to separate different ideas and parts of the discussion. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea or viewpoint.
  • Improve the use of linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between sentences, such as 'Firstly,' 'On the other hand,' 'Moreover,' and 'In conclusion.'

Lexical Resource4.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary with frequent errors in word choice, word formation, and spelling. The writer attempts to use some complex words and phrases, but these are often used incorrectly or awkwardly, affecting clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Focus on collocations and phrases that are commonly used in academic writing to improve naturalness and fluency.
  • Review spelling rules and practice spelling to reduce frequency of errors.
  • Expand vocabulary range by learning synonyms and antonyms to avoid repetition and enhance expression.
  • Practice using words in context to ensure correct word choice and avoid awkward phrasing.

Grammatical Range4.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures with frequent errors in sentence construction and verb forms, affecting clarity and meaning.

Recommendations:

  • Use more varied sentence structures, such as conditional sentences, to improve grammatical range.
  • Practice using conjunctions and transitional phrases to connect ideas smoothly within and between sentences.
  • Work on sentence structure by practicing simple, compound, and complex sentences to enhance clarity and coherence.
  • Focus on verb forms and agreement, ensuring correct use of tenses and subject-verb agreement.

Task Achievement4.0

The essay addresses the task prompt by discussing both views regarding the importance of school attendance for young children versus spending more time at home with family. The writer provides their own opinion in favor of attending school, citing reasons such as social behavior development and communication skills improvement. However, the essay lacks depth in exploring both perspectives equally and fails to provide balanced arguments or sufficient examples to support the claims made.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid vague statements and ensure that each claim is supported by clear and concrete evidence.
  • Include more specific examples and reasons to support each point, particularly for the view you oppose.
  • Clearly articulate your own opinion and ensure it is supported by logical reasoning and relevant examples.
  • Ensure both views are discussed with equal depth and clarity, providing balanced arguments for each side.
GRADED
4.0
Coherence and Cohesion:4.0
Lexical Resource:4.0
Grammatical Range:4.0
Task Achievement:4.0
Band Score:4.0
Coherence and Cohesion4
Logical structure4
Introduction & conclusion present4
Supported main points4
Accurate linking words4
Variety in linking words4
Lexical Resource4
Varied vocabulary4
Accurate spelling & word formation4
Grammatical Range4
Mix of complex & simple sentences4
Clear and correct grammar4
Task Achievement4
Complete response4
Clear & comprehensive ideas4
Relevant & specific examples4
Appropriate word count4
Grade Your Essay