BAND 8.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: COMPARISON OF ENERGY CAPACITY PROPORTIONS IN 2015 AND PREDICTIONS FOR 2040

Explore our IELTS essay sample, scored at band 8.5, analyzing the shift in energy capacity from traditional fossil fuels to renewable sources by 2040. It includes key features and comparisons of distribution patterns for coal, natural gas, hydroelectric power, solar, and wind power.

Writing Task

The pie charts below compare the proportion of energy capacity in gigawatts (GW) in 2015 with the predictions for 2040.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 7.0 Scoring and Feedback

The pie charts depict the distribution of energy capacity in gigawatts (GW) in 2015 and the projected figures for 2040. Several key features and comparisons can be made based on the given information. In 2015, the energy capacity was primarily dominated by fossil fuels, accounting for 64% of the total capacity. This included coal at 40% and natural gas at 24%. Renewables constituted only 19% of the energy capacity, with hydroelectric power being the most significant contributor at 13%. Nuclear energy accounted for the remaining 17%. Looking ahead to 2040, a significant shift is anticipated in the energy landscape. Fossil fuels are expected to decline to 45% of the total capacity, with coal witnessing the most substantial decrease. Natural gas is projected to increase marginally. On the other hand, renewables are set to experience a considerable surge, reaching 56% of the energy capacity. The largest growth is anticipated in solar and wind power, which are expected to contribute 30% and 26% respectively. Hydroelectric power is also predicted to expand to 15%. Nuclear energy is projected to remain relatively stable at 4%. In summary, the pie charts highlight a shift towards renewable energy sources by 2040, with fossil fuels decreasing and renewables, particularly solar and wind power, becoming the dominant contributors to the energy capacity.
Words: 214Paragraphs: 4
Submitted: 7/14/2023, 01:54 PM

Coherence And Cohesion7.0

The essay is well-organized, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. It effectively uses linking words and phrases to connect ideas and maintain a logical flow throughout the text. Comparisons between 2015 and 2040 are clearly structured, and the use of paragraphs helps in presenting a coherent argument.

Recommendations:

  • Consider using more varied linking phrases to enhance cohesion further, such as 'in contrast' or 'similarly' when making comparisons.
  • Ensure that transitions between sentences are consistently smooth, possibly by introducing more complex sentence structures to link ideas.

Lexical Resource7.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, using terms like "depict," "distribution," "dominated," "constituted," "anticipated," and "marginally." These words are relevant and accurately used, enhancing the clarity and precision of the description. There is a clear attempt to use varied language to describe changes and comparisons, such as "significant shift," "substantial decrease," "considerable surge," and "largest growth." However, some areas could benefit from more precise terminology or synonyms to avoid repetition, such as the repeated use of "projected," "anticipated," and "expected."

Recommendations:

  • Use synonyms for commonly repeated words like 'projected,' 'anticipated,' and 'expected' to enhance variety.
  • Explore more technical terms related to energy, such as 'capacity expansion' or 'energy diversification,' to demonstrate a deeper lexical range.
  • Incorporate more specific adjectives to describe changes, such as 'dramatic,' 'moderate,' or 'slight,' to convey nuances more effectively.

Grammatical Range7.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and varied sentence types. The writer effectively uses different tenses to describe past and future scenarios. There are no noticeable grammatical errors, and the language is clear and precise.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more varied sentence structures, such as conditional sentences, to further enhance grammatical range.
  • Use more passive constructions to emphasize the actions rather than the subjects, which can add variety.

Task Achievement6.0

The essay provides a clear and accurate summary of the pie charts, highlighting the main features and making relevant comparisons between 2015 and 2040. It correctly identifies the major trends, such as the decline in fossil fuels and the increase in renewable energy sources, particularly solar and wind power. The essay effectively communicates the expected changes in energy capacity distribution, using specific percentages to illustrate these shifts.

Recommendations:

  • Clarify the distinction between different types of renewable energy, as the essay groups them together but could specify 'other renewables' as shown in the chart.
  • Mention the total energy capacity in gigawatts for both years to provide a complete overview.
  • Include more specific data from the charts, such as the exact percentages for each category, to enhance clarity and precision.
GRADED
7.0
Coherence and Cohesion:7.0
Lexical Resource:7.0
Grammatical Range:7.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:7.0
Coherence and Cohesion7
Logical structure7
Introduction & conclusion present7
Supported main points7
Accurate linking words7
Variety in linking words7
Lexical Resource7
Varied vocabulary7
Accurate spelling & word formation7
Grammatical Range7
Mix of complex & simple sentences7
Clear and correct grammar7
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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