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BAND 7.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYSIS OF INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS IN ENGLISH-SPEAKING COUNTRIES | 2004 VS 2012 COMPARATIVE STUDY

Explore this insightful Band 7.5 IELTS essay sample. Dive into the analysis of the bar chart showing the rise in the number of international students in four English-speaking countries between 2004 and 2012. Discover the diverse educational trends across the USA, UK, Australia, and Canada.

Writing Task

The bar chart and table show information about students from abroad studying in four English-speaking countries in 2004 and 2012.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 8.0 Scoring and Feedback

The bar chart shows the number of foreign students studying in four English-speaking countries in the years 2004 and 2012, while the table shows foreign students as a percentage of total student numbers in the countries. We can see that the overall trend is an increase in both the number and percentage of international students in most countries. Starting with the number of students, the USA had the most foreign students, rising from approximately 179,000 in 2004 to around 245,000 in 2012. The figures for Australia and the UK were similar, increasing from around 120,000 to almost 200,000. Canada had a significantly lower number of overseas students than the other countries, with about 41,000 in 2004 and approximately 61,000 in 2012. Next, if we look at the percentage of foreign students, we can see that percentages increased for all countries, with the exception of the USA. The percentage of foreign students was highest in Australia at 24% of total student numbers in 2012. In the USA, the percentage of foreign students remained stable at 2%, which was the lowest percentage of all four countries.
Words: 184Paragraphs: 3
Submitted: 7/21/2023, 04:02 PM

Coherence And Cohesion8.0

The essay effectively organizes information by using a clear structure and logical progression of ideas. It begins with an introduction, followed by a detailed analysis of the number and percentage of foreign students in each country, and concludes with a comparison. Cohesive devices such as "starting with," "next," and "if we look at" are used to guide the reader through the information, making the essay easy to follow. However, some transitions could be smoother, and the use of linking words could be more varied to enhance cohesion.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and flows logically to the next, maintaining a consistent structure throughout the essay.
  • Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas, such as 'in addition,' 'furthermore,' or 'on the other hand,' to provide more variety and enhance cohesion.

Lexical Resource8.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with appropriate use of terms related to data description, such as "increase," "percentage," and "stable." It effectively uses comparative language to highlight differences between countries and over time. However, there is room for improvement in terms of variety and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more varied vocabulary to describe trends, such as 'surge,' 'decline,' or 'fluctuate,' to avoid repetition.
  • Use more precise adjectives and adverbs to enhance descriptions, for example, 'significantly higher' instead of 'similar' when comparing data.
  • Include more linking words and phrases, such as 'in contrast,' 'notably,' or 'similarly,' to better connect ideas and comparisons.

Grammatical Range8.0

The essay demonstrates a good command of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and appropriate use of tense. The writer effectively uses relative clauses, conjunctions, and passive voice to convey information clearly.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more varied sentence structures, such as conditional sentences, to enhance grammatical range.
  • Use more advanced conjunctions or transitional phrases to improve the flow and cohesion between sentences.

Task Achievement8.0

The essay effectively summarizes the key information from the bar chart and table, highlighting the increase in both the number and percentage of foreign students in most countries. It accurately reports specific data points and makes relevant comparisons between the countries. The essay addresses the task prompt by providing a clear overview of trends and specific details from the data.

Recommendations:

  • Include more specific comparisons between countries to enhance the analysis, such as contrasting the growth rates of different countries.
  • Ensure all relevant data points are covered, such as mentioning the percentage increase for the UK and Canada.
GRADED
8.0
Coherence and Cohesion:8.0
Lexical Resource:8.0
Grammatical Range:8.0
Task Achievement:8.0
Band Score:8.0
Coherence and Cohesion8
Logical structure8
Introduction & conclusion present8
Supported main points8
Accurate linking words8
Variety in linking words8
Lexical Resource8
Varied vocabulary8
Accurate spelling & word formation8
Grammatical Range8
Mix of complex & simple sentences8
Clear and correct grammar8
Task Achievement8
Complete response8
Clear & comprehensive ideas8
Relevant & specific examples8
Appropriate word count8
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