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BAND 7.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYSIS OF SEASONAL SALES TRENDS AT BRISK CAFÉ

Explore our detailed IELTS essay sample analyzing daily food sales at Brisk Cafe. Discover food trends between summer and winter, with insights on demand for items like hot coffee, iced coffee, ice cream, soup, and salad. Ideal for band 7.5 IELTS preparation.

Writing Task

The graph below shows the average daily sales of selected food items at the Brisk Café, by season.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 7.5 Scoring and Feedback

The bar chart represents the mean daily sales of specific food products at the Brisk Cafe in summer and winter. The specific food products are hot coffee, iced coffee, ice cream, soup, and salad. A general trend that can be seen in the graph is that number of orders in summer for all dishes are roughly the same, around 25 to 40 servings. Furthermore it can also be seen that certain foods are preferred more in winter than in summer and vice versa. For instance, Ice cream and iced coffee are preferred more in the summer than in the winter, while soup and hot coffee are preferred more in the winter. Additionally, it is also visible that the food with the highest demand in winter is hot coffee with approximately 75 servings per day. In contrast, the food with highest demand in summer is iced coffee with about 40 servings per day. Another noticable feature of the diagram is that salad orders in summer and winter are the same, 25 per day.
Words: 172Paragraphs: 3
Submitted: 7/17/2023, 02:44 PM

Coherence And Cohesion7.0

The essay presents information in a logical sequence, beginning with an introduction and then discussing general trends and specific observations. It uses linking words like 'furthermore,' 'for instance,' and 'in contrast' to connect ideas. However, some transitions could be smoother, and the use of cohesive devices can be improved for better flow.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to improve clarity and cohesion.
  • Use more varied linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
  • Introduce a concluding sentence to summarize the main points and reinforce the coherence of the essay.

Lexical Resource7.0

The essay uses a range of vocabulary suitable for the task, with some attempts at more advanced language. However, there are occasional errors and repetitions that affect the overall lexical fluency.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more precise adjectives to describe trends, such as 'consistent' or 'significant.'
  • Ensure correct spelling of words like 'noticable' (noticeable) to enhance clarity.
  • Use more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition, such as replacing 'preferred more' with 'favored' or 'more popular.'
  • Experiment with more complex expressions or idiomatic phrases to demonstrate a wider lexical range.

Grammatical Range7.0

The essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical structures, primarily using simple and compound sentences accurately. However, there is limited use of complex sentence structures, which could enhance the grammatical range.

Recommendations:

  • Use varied sentence beginnings to avoid repetition and enhance the flow of the essay.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement is consistent, such as 'the number of orders in summer is' instead of 'are.'
  • Incorporate more complex sentences to show a wider range of grammatical structures. For example, use relative clauses: 'The bar chart, which illustrates the mean daily sales, shows...'

Task Achievement8.0

The essay effectively summarizes the main features of the bar chart, highlighting the seasonal variations in the sales of different food items at the Brisk Café. It identifies the general trends and specific details, such as the preference for iced coffee and ice cream in summer and hot coffee and soup in winter. Additionally, it notes the consistent sales of salad across seasons. Overall, the response addresses the task prompt by summarizing and comparing the main features of the data.

Recommendations:

  • Include more specific numerical data to enhance clarity and precision in comparisons.
  • Ensure that all key trends and comparisons are covered comprehensively, such as the exact differences in sales figures between seasons for each item.
GRADED
7.5
Coherence and Cohesion:7.0
Lexical Resource:7.0
Grammatical Range:7.0
Task Achievement:8.0
Band Score:7.5
Coherence and Cohesion7
Logical structure7
Introduction & conclusion present7
Supported main points7
Accurate linking words7
Variety in linking words7
Lexical Resource7
Varied vocabulary7
Accurate spelling & word formation7
Grammatical Range7
Mix of complex & simple sentences7
Clear and correct grammar7
Task Achievement8
Complete response8
Clear & comprehensive ideas8
Relevant & specific examples8
Appropriate word count8
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