BAND 8.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYSIS OF CHANGES IN CANADIAN HOUSEHOLD TYPES FROM 1984 TO 2020

Explore our Band 8.0 IELTS essay sample analyzing changes in Canadian household types from 1984-2020. Understand patterns in family structures and trends in households without children, lone parents, and couples with dependent children. Get IELTS-ready with our comprehensive essay samples!

Writing Task

The table below shows the changes in some household types in Canada from 1984 to 2020.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 7.0 Scoring and Feedback

The table shows the changes in household types in Canada at 10-year intervals from 1984 to 2014 and again in 2020. There has been a steady increase in households without children during this period. One-person households doubled from 6% in 1984 to 12% in 2020, whilst the percentage of couples with no children rose from 19% in 1984 to 23% in 2004 and to 25% in 2014. However, this figure levelled out in 2020. Even bigger changes have occurred when it comes to couples with dependent children. This category shrank from 52% in 1984 to 36% in 2020. In contrast, the percentage of lone parents trebled over the same period, rising from 4% in 1984 to 12% in 2020. The percentage of families with non-dependent children has remained more stable: 10% in 1984, rising only 1% over the next 20 years before falling to 9% in 2014. In conclusion, the table shows definite patterns of change within the Canadian family over the past 40 years, in particular the decline in the traditional. model of one couple with dependent children.
Words: 179Paragraphs: 3
Submitted: 7/17/2023, 08:20 AM

Coherence And Cohesion7.0

The essay is well-structured with logical progression and clear paragraphing, effectively summarizing the data. It uses cohesive devices appropriately, but could benefit from more varied linking words and clearer distinctions between data comparisons.

Recommendations:

  • Consider adding a brief introductory sentence to the conclusion to better connect it with the main body.
  • Use a wider range of linking words to enhance cohesion, such as 'in addition', 'however', and 'meanwhile'.
  • Ensure clear distinctions between different data points when making comparisons, such as using 'whereas' or 'on the other hand' for contrast.

Lexical Resource7.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with appropriate use of terms related to household types and changes over time. Words like 'steady increase,' 'levelled out,' and 'trebled' are effectively used to convey changes. However, there is room for more varied vocabulary to enhance precision and sophistication.

Recommendations:

  • Use more specific adjectives to describe trends, like 'gradual,' 'sharp,' or 'marginal,' to improve clarity.
  • Consider using synonyms for 'percentage' and 'increase' to avoid repetition, such as 'proportion' and 'growth.'
  • Incorporate more varied vocabulary to describe changes, such as 'fluctuated,' 'escalated,' or 'diminished,' to avoid repetition and add depth.

Grammatical Range7.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and varied sentence types. There is accurate use of tenses and punctuation, which contributes to the clarity of the information presented.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more varied sentence structures to enhance complexity, such as using conditional clauses or passive voice where appropriate.
  • Ensure consistency in tense usage throughout the essay, particularly when discussing trends over time.

Task Achievement7.0

The essay provides a clear overview of the changes in household types in Canada from 1984 to 2020. It accurately identifies trends, such as the rise in one-person households and lone parents, and the decline in couples with dependent children. The essay effectively summarizes the main features and makes relevant comparisons across the years.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure the conclusion ties back to all the main trends discussed, not just the decline of traditional households.
  • Consider mentioning the stability of non-dependent children households more explicitly in the conclusion.
  • Include more specific data points for each category, especially for the years not mentioned, to give a more comprehensive overview.
GRADED
7.0
Coherence and Cohesion:7.0
Lexical Resource:7.0
Grammatical Range:7.0
Task Achievement:7.0
Band Score:7.0
Coherence and Cohesion7
Logical structure7
Introduction & conclusion present7
Supported main points7
Accurate linking words7
Variety in linking words7
Lexical Resource7
Varied vocabulary7
Accurate spelling & word formation7
Grammatical Range7
Mix of complex & simple sentences7
Clear and correct grammar7
Task Achievement7
Complete response7
Clear & comprehensive ideas7
Relevant & specific examples7
Appropriate word count7
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