BAND 7.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYZING THE MAIN REASONS AND TIMING FOR QUITTING SMOKING

Explore our comprehensive band 7.5 IELTS essay sample analyzing reasons for smokers quitting and their planned timelines. Uncover insights into health concerns and financial considerations affecting decisions to quit smoking. Learn how daily cigarette consumption shapes these choices and timelines for giving up the habit.

Writing Task

The tables below show people's reasons for giving up smoking, and when they intend to give up.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 7.0 Scoring and Feedback

The first table give reasons for why smokers give up smoking, while the other shows the projected dates which they plan to stop smoking. Overall, a vast majority of smokers wish to improve their health by quitting consuming cigarettes, while those who concern about the risks of having smoking-related disorders account for the lowest figures. Regarding smokers who intend to withdraw from smoking, a sizeable minority of them plan to stop smoking within 6 months, and people who have no intend to give up constitute only a small proportion. Looking at the first table, people that abuse the most cigarettes a day are those who want to quit for better health the least, at 64%, lower than those who smoke fewer than 10 and around 10-19 cigarettes at 74% and 73%, respectively. Meanwhile, approximately 25% to 36% of people are concerned about financial considerations and are planning to quit smoking. In contrast, the figures for smokers who want to stop smoking because of family pressure only make up small minorities of the table, ranging from 13% to 20%, with the total stands at 16%. As can be seen from the second table, about 46% of people smoking less than 10 cigarettes a day plan to stop smoking within the next 6 months, considerably higher than those who smoke from 10-19 and over 20 pieces, at 32% and 26%, respectively. Conversely, only over a fifth of smokers smoking fewer than 10 cigarettes a day are giving smoking within the following month. The proportions for more active smokers are even lower, with only 8% of them who consumes more than 20 pieces a day intend to do so and the percentage is just under a tenth for those smoking 10-19 cigarettes.
Words: 289Paragraphs: 3
Submitted: 7/14/2023, 08:12 AM

Coherence And Cohesion7.0

The essay demonstrates a generally clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. It effectively uses linking words and phrases to connect ideas, such as "while," "meanwhile," and "in contrast." However, there are occasional lapses in cohesion, such as the abrupt transition between the first and second paragraphs. The essay could benefit from clearer topic sentences and smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, some sentences are lengthy and could be broken down for better readability.

Recommendations:

  • Break down long sentences to enhance readability and cohesion.
  • Use clearer topic sentences to introduce each paragraph's main idea.
  • Ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs to maintain flow.

Lexical Resource7.0

The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary with some attempts at more advanced terms like 'projected dates' and 'sizeable minority.' However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and incorrect word usage, such as 'abuse the most cigarettes' and 'people who have no intend.'

Recommendations:

  • Use more varied synonyms for 'smokers' to enhance lexical range, such as 'individuals who smoke' or 'tobacco users.'
  • Replace 'abuse the most cigarettes' with 'smoke the most cigarettes.'
  • Change 'people who have no intend' to 'people who have no intention.'
  • Ensure consistency in verb forms, such as changing 'constitute' to 'constitutes' to match the subject-verb agreement.

Grammatical Range7.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and passive voice. However, there are several grammatical errors and awkward constructions that affect clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Vary sentence beginnings to avoid repetition and enhance readability.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, e.g., 'The first table give reasons' should be 'The first table gives reasons.'
  • Use articles correctly, e.g., 'those who concern about the risks' should be 'those who are concerned about the risks.'
  • Improve sentence structure for clarity, e.g., 'people that abuse the most cigarettes a day are those who want to quit for better health the least' could be rephrased for clarity.

Task Achievement7.0

The essay provides a clear overview of the data presented in the tables, summarizing the main reasons for quitting smoking and the intended timelines for quitting. It highlights significant trends, such as health improvement being the primary reason for quitting and the majority planning to quit within six months. However, it lacks some detailed comparisons and could improve in specificity regarding the data.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure all data mentioned is accurate and aligns with the information in the tables.
  • Include more specific data comparisons between the different cigarette consumption groups to enhance clarity.
  • Provide more detailed insights into the less common reasons for quitting and the timelines for those who do not intend to quit.
GRADED
7.0
Coherence and Cohesion:7.0
Lexical Resource:7.0
Grammatical Range:7.0
Task Achievement:7.0
Band Score:7.0
Coherence and Cohesion7
Logical structure7
Introduction & conclusion present7
Supported main points7
Accurate linking words7
Variety in linking words7
Lexical Resource7
Varied vocabulary7
Accurate spelling & word formation7
Grammatical Range7
Mix of complex & simple sentences7
Clear and correct grammar7
Task Achievement7
Complete response7
Clear & comprehensive ideas7
Relevant & specific examples7
Appropriate word count7
Grade Your Essay