BAND 7.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYZING REASONS FOR PEOPLE MOVING TO A CAPITAL CITY - SURVEY RESULTS REVIEW

Explore our IELTS Band 7.5 essay sample analyzing population migration trends toward a capital city from 2000 to 2015. Understand key reasons for migration such as employment, study, family or adventure. Detailed analysis and graphical interpretation included.

Writing Task

The line chart below shows the results of a survey giving the reasons why people moved to the capital city of a particular country.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 7.0 Scoring and Feedback

The line chart illustrates data extracted from a questionnaire regarding the people's initiatives for migrating toward the capital city of the given country between 2000 and 2015. Overall, employment and study experienced a steep rise, while family, friends, and adventure slightly increased in the same time interval. Turning to the chart, employment and study almost doubled from 2000 to 2005 and reached approximately 90000 and 50000, respectively. On the other hand, the family/friend and adventure reasons remained constant in the same window, keeping the value at roughly more than 10,000. Between 2005 and 2010, family and friends were more popular and faced a considerable increment, reaching from 10,000 to more than 20,000, while adventure maintained its trend. At the same time, employment and study had an increment, but with a lower slope and an increase in the margin of 10,000. In the end, the study had an abrupt growth from 2010 to 2015, and the ultimate value almost tripled compared to its initial value of 25,000. In contrast to the study, employment did not appeal to the hordes of people and declined by almost a tenth. The family/friend and adventure had no particular fluctuation in the same period and rested on a little more than 20000 and 10000, respectively.
Words: 209Paragraphs: 3
Submitted: 7/25/2023, 05:40 AM

Coherence And Cohesion7.0

The essay is well-structured and logically organized, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. It effectively uses linking words and phrases to connect ideas and maintain a logical flow. However, some transitions could be improved for smoother coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure consistent use of terms (e.g., 'family/friends' vs. 'family and friends') for clarity.
  • Use more varied linking words to enhance transitions between paragraphs and ideas.
  • Clarify the description of trends to ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea.

Lexical Resource7.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with some effective use of lexical items. However, there are occasional inaccuracies and less precise word choices.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure that all terms are used correctly in context, such as 'hordes' which could be replaced with 'large numbers' for clarity.
  • Use more precise vocabulary to describe data changes, such as 'fluctuated' instead of 'no particular fluctuation.'
  • Incorporate a wider range of synonyms to avoid repetition, such as using 'increase' and 'rise' interchangeably.

Grammatical Range7.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and varied sentence forms. The use of past tense is consistent and appropriate for the context of describing trends over time. However, some sentences could benefit from improved clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Use more varied sentence structures to avoid repetition, as seen in 'In contrast to the study, employment did not appeal to the hordes of people and declined by almost a tenth.'
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement is consistent, such as 'family, friends, and adventure slightly increased' should maintain consistent plurality.
  • Enhance clarity by restructuring sentences for better flow, such as 'Turning to the chart, employment and study almost doubled from 2000 to 2005 and reached approximately 90000 and 50000, respectively.' Consider breaking it into two sentences for clarity.

Task Achievement7.0

The essay effectively addresses the task by summarizing the main trends and providing relevant comparisons. It highlights the significant increases in employment and study as reasons for moving, while also noting the stability in family/friends and adventure reasons. The essay gives specific data points, such as employment and study figures, and describes changes over time accurately.

Recommendations:

  • Include a brief introduction or overview sentence about the chart to set context.
  • Ensure all figures and comparisons are consistently precise, particularly when describing trends over specific periods.
  • Clarify any ambiguous terms such as 'steep rise' and provide more detailed explanations if possible.
GRADED
7.0
Coherence and Cohesion:7.0
Lexical Resource:7.0
Grammatical Range:7.0
Task Achievement:7.0
Band Score:7.0
Coherence and Cohesion7
Logical structure7
Introduction & conclusion present7
Supported main points7
Accurate linking words7
Variety in linking words7
Lexical Resource7
Varied vocabulary7
Accurate spelling & word formation7
Grammatical Range7
Mix of complex & simple sentences7
Clear and correct grammar7
Task Achievement7
Complete response7
Clear & comprehensive ideas7
Relevant & specific examples7
Appropriate word count7
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