BAND 7.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYZING REASONS FOR MIGRATION TO A CAPITAL CITY - LINE CHART INTERPRETATION

Explore an analytical IELTS band 7.5 essay sample detailing the reasons for migration to a capital city over a 15-year period. Discover insights into migration trends due to employment, education, family/friends, and adventure, with a special emphasis on the substantial increase in education-related migrations. Perfect for IELTS preparation and gaining academic writing insights.

Writing Task

The line chart below shows the results of a survey giving the reasons why people moved to the capital city of a particular country.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 7.0 Scoring and Feedback

The chart above exhibits migrational reasons to the capital city of a particular country over a 15-year period. Overall, the chart revealed a significant rise in the cumulative number of migrations throughout the cohort. Mainly, people migrate to the capital due to four main reasons: employment, study, family/friends, and adventure. The most dramatic rise was migration to the capital due to educational purposes. From 2000 to 2015, the number increased by more than 300% from 25000 to 85000. The number has spiked significantly throughout the cohort, especially from 2010 to 2015. Similarly, an increase in migration was seen due to family/friends and adventure pursuits. However, the number only increased by less than 75% over the 15-year period. The only fluctuating reason to migrate is occupational aims. Although employment reasons increased from 2000 to 2010, the number has declined over the last 5-year period. However, compared to the initial year, the number has grown substantially by 20%, peaking in 2010 as recorded more than 90000 cumulative incidences. In conclusion, the migration number has increased substantially from 2000 to 2015. Although the reasons to migrate to the capital may differ, rising educational, trips, and family/friends pursuits were observed. On the other hand, occupational reasons fluctuated throughout the study period.
Words: 207Paragraphs: 4
Submitted: 7/19/2023, 07:04 AM

Coherence And Cohesion7.0

The essay demonstrates a clear structure with a logical flow of information. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the data, such as the reasons for migration and their trends over the years. The essay uses linking words effectively to connect ideas, such as 'Overall,' 'Similarly,' and 'However.' The use of cohesive devices helps guide the reader through the analysis, maintaining clarity and coherence throughout the essay. However, there is room for improvement in ensuring that all comparisons and contrasts are explicitly stated to enhance cohesion.

Recommendations:

  • Use more varied linking words to introduce comparisons and contrasts, such as 'in contrast,' 'on the other hand,' or 'likewise,' to enhance cohesion.
  • Ensure that all comparisons are explicitly stated and clearly linked to the data shown in the chart to improve the logical flow of ideas.

Lexical Resource7.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, using terms like "migrational reasons," "cumulative number," "dramatic rise," and "occupational aims." However, there are areas where word choice could be more precise or varied to enhance clarity and sophistication.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more varied synonyms for 'increase' and 'rise' to avoid repetition.
  • Use more precise vocabulary to describe trends, such as 'fluctuated' instead of 'spiked' for consistency.
  • Ensure the use of appropriate collocations, such as 'migration reasons' instead of 'migrational reasons.'

Grammatical Range7.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and passive voice. It maintains grammatical accuracy with only minor errors that do not impede understanding.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure subject-verb agreement is consistently correct, as in 'The number has spiked significantly' which could be 'The number spiked significantly.'
  • Vary sentence structures further by including more relative clauses or conditional sentences to enhance complexity.
  • Use consistent tense throughout the essay to maintain clarity, particularly in describing trends over time.

Task Achievement7.0

The essay effectively summarizes the main trends and comparisons in the line chart, identifying key reasons for migration and their changes over time. It provides an overview of the data and includes specific figures to support the analysis. However, some inaccuracies in data interpretation and missing details could be improved.

Recommendations:

  • Consider mentioning the overall trend for employment migration more clearly, highlighting the peak and subsequent decline.
  • Ensure accuracy in data representation. For example, verify the percentage increase for educational migration.
  • Include more specific data points for family/friends and adventure to enhance clarity.
GRADED
7.0
Coherence and Cohesion:7.0
Lexical Resource:7.0
Grammatical Range:7.0
Task Achievement:7.0
Band Score:7.0
Coherence and Cohesion7
Logical structure7
Introduction & conclusion present7
Supported main points7
Accurate linking words7
Variety in linking words7
Lexical Resource7
Varied vocabulary7
Accurate spelling & word formation7
Grammatical Range7
Mix of complex & simple sentences7
Clear and correct grammar7
Task Achievement7
Complete response7
Clear & comprehensive ideas7
Relevant & specific examples7
Appropriate word count7
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