BAND 7.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYZING ICELAND'S POPULATION AGE FROM 1990 TO 2020

Explore our IELTS essay sample with a Band score 7.5, analyzing Iceland's population age range from 1990-2020. Understand trends in demographic shifts, including the dramatic rise in the 25-54 age group, and the decline in the 0-14 and 15-24 age categories over three decades.

Writing Task

The graph gives information about the age of the population of Iceland between 1990 and 2020.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 7.0 Scoring and Feedback

The given graph illustrates the age of the habitants of Iceland from 1990 to 2020. Overall, it is obvious that the 25-54 age group has increased dramatically, whereas the 15-24 and 0-14 age groups have declined over 30 years. However, the 55-64 and 65 and over age groups have slight fluctuations. In 1990, the 25-54 age group grew from around 30% to appreciatively 50% after 30 years. By contrast, the 0-14 age group fell from just over 25% in 1990 to just under 20% in 2020. Similarly, the 15-24 age group dropped from just over 20% of the population in 1990 to just under 10% of the population in 2020. Meanwhile, the size of the 65 and over age group remained at about 13% during the period, whereas the size of the 55 -64 age group only fell from about 14% in 1990 to about 10% of the population in 2020.
Words: 151Paragraphs: 2
Submitted: 7/15/2023, 12:47 PM

Coherence And Cohesion7.0

The essay presents information logically, with a clear introduction and overview. Paragraphs are organized to describe trends in different age groups. However, the transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be smoother to enhance coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to maintain clarity and coherence.
  • Use more linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs, such as 'in addition,' 'similarly,' and 'on the other hand.'
  • Introduce a concluding sentence or paragraph to summarize the main trends and reinforce the coherence of the essay.

Lexical Resource7.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary relevant to the task, with some variety in word choice and expressions. However, there are areas where lexical precision and variety could be improved.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid repetition of phrases like 'just over' and 'just under.' Use alternative expressions such as 'slightly above' and 'slightly below' to enhance lexical resource.
  • Consider using more complex expressions or idiomatic language where appropriate, while ensuring clarity and accuracy.
  • Use more varied vocabulary to describe changes, such as 'increase' and 'decrease.' Consider using synonyms like 'rise,' 'fall,' 'decline,' 'growth,' and 'reduction' to add variety.
  • Incorporate more specific and precise language. For example, instead of 'grew from around 30% to appreciatively 50%,' use 'increased significantly from approximately 30% to nearly 50%.'

Grammatical Range7.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and clauses. However, there are minor inaccuracies in tense usage and article placement.

Recommendations:

  • Consider varying sentence structures further to enhance complexity and clarity.
  • Ensure consistent use of tenses, especially when describing trends over time.
  • Review the use of articles, particularly with phrases like 'the habitants' which should be 'the inhabitants.'

Task Achievement7.0

The essay provides a clear overview of the main trends in the age groups of Iceland's population from 1990 to 2020, accurately highlighting the increase in the 25-54 age group and the decline in the 0-14 and 15-24 age groups. It also notes the stability and slight fluctuations in the 55-64 and 65 and over age groups. The essay effectively summarizes the key features and makes relevant comparisons.

Recommendations:

  • Consider adding a brief introduction or conclusion to frame the data more effectively.
  • Include more specific data points for each decade to provide a clearer picture of trends over time.
  • Ensure consistent use of terms, such as 'approximately' instead of 'appreciatively,' for clarity.
GRADED
7.0
Coherence and Cohesion:7.0
Lexical Resource:7.0
Grammatical Range:7.0
Task Achievement:7.0
Band Score:7.0
Coherence and Cohesion7
Logical structure7
Introduction & conclusion present7
Supported main points7
Accurate linking words7
Variety in linking words7
Lexical Resource7
Varied vocabulary7
Accurate spelling & word formation7
Grammatical Range7
Mix of complex & simple sentences7
Clear and correct grammar7
Task Achievement7
Complete response7
Clear & comprehensive ideas7
Relevant & specific examples7
Appropriate word count7
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