BAND 7.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYZING AND COMPARING ENERGY CAPACITY PROPORTIONS FOR 2015 AND 2040

Explore our Band 7.5 IELTS essay sample analyzing the energy capacity for 2015 with projections for 2040. Learn about the shift from fossil fuels to renewable energy sources, highlighting the significant growth in hydroelectric, wind, and solar power. Ideal for IELTS preparation, the essay provides insights into analyzing pie charts and making data comparisons.

Writing Task

The pie charts below compare the proportion of energy capacity in gigawatts (GW) in 2015 with the predictions for 2040.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 7.0 Scoring and Feedback

The pie charts provide a comparison of the energy capacity in gigawatts (GW) for the year 2015 and the projected predictions for the year 2040. The main features and relevant comparisons are as follows: Overall, in 2015, fossil fuels accounted for the largest proportion of energy capacity, making up 60% of the total capacity. Nuclear energy followed, contributing to 22% of the capacity. Renewable sources held a significantly smaller share, with hydroelectric power at 10%, wind power at 5%, and solar power at 3%. However, in the projected predictions for 2040, a significant shift in the energy landscape is evident. The proportion of fossil fuels is expected to decrease to 45%, indicating a global transition towards cleaner energy alternatives. Notably, renewable energy sources show a remarkable increase in their share, with hydroelectric power rising to 18%, wind power to 15%, and solar power to 10%. This signifies a positive trend towards sustainable energy solutions. Despite this shift, nuclear energy is predicted to remain relatively stable, with a minor decrease of only 2%, maintaining a 20% share in 2040. In conclusion, the pie charts demonstrate a clear transition in the global energy sector from fossil fuels towards renewable energy sources. By 2040, it is expected that renewable energy will play a more substantial role in meeting the world's energy demands, paving the way for a greener and more sustainable future.
Words: 229Paragraphs: 5
Submitted: 7/21/2023, 05:48 AM

Coherence And Cohesion7.0

The essay demonstrates a clear and logical structure, effectively organizing information from the pie charts. It begins with an introduction, follows with a breakdown of the data for 2015, then discusses the projections for 2040, and concludes with a summary of the findings. Transitional phrases such as "overall," "however," and "in conclusion" are used to guide the reader through the comparison and analysis. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the data, ensuring clarity and cohesion throughout the essay.

Recommendations:

  • Introduce more varied linking words to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to further strengthen the logical progression of ideas.

Lexical Resource7.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary related to energy and predictions, using terms like "fossil fuels," "renewable sources," and "sustainable energy solutions." It employs some less common words and phrases such as "global transition" and "energy landscape." The essay also uses appropriate collocations, such as "energy capacity" and "proportion of energy." However, there is room for improvement in terms of variety and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Use more precise language when discussing predictions, such as 'anticipated' or 'forecasted,' to enhance clarity and sophistication.
  • Incorporate more varied vocabulary to describe changes and comparisons, such as 'decline,' 'increase,' 'dominance,' and 'emergence.'
  • Avoid repetition of terms like 'proportion' and 'energy' by using synonyms or rephrasing to maintain reader interest.

Grammatical Range7.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences, and generally maintains grammatical accuracy. There is effective use of passive voice and various sentence types, contributing to coherence and clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure consistent subject-verb agreement, especially in complex sentences, to maintain grammatical accuracy.
  • Vary sentence structures more by incorporating conditional or hypothetical sentences to enhance grammatical range.

Task Achievement6.0

The essay effectively summarizes the main features of the pie charts, highlighting the changes in energy capacity from 2015 to 2040. It accurately identifies the dominant role of fossil fuels in 2015 and the projected increase in renewable energy sources by 2040. However, there are some inaccuracies in the reported data, such as the percentages for fossil fuels and nuclear energy in 2015 and 2040. Additionally, the essay could benefit from more precise comparisons and clearer data representation.

Recommendations:

  • Include all categories from the pie charts, such as 'Other renewables,' to provide a comprehensive overview.
  • Improve clarity by using precise language and structure to make comparisons, such as stating exact increases or decreases in percentages.
  • Correct the inaccuracies in the data: fossil fuels in 2015 should be 64%, not 60%; nuclear in 2015 should be 6%, not 22%; wind in 2040 should be 12%, not 15%; solar in 2040 should be 18%, not 10%. Ensure all figures match the chart.
GRADED
7.0
Coherence and Cohesion:7.0
Lexical Resource:7.0
Grammatical Range:7.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:7.0
Coherence and Cohesion7
Logical structure7
Introduction & conclusion present7
Supported main points7
Accurate linking words7
Variety in linking words7
Lexical Resource7
Varied vocabulary7
Accurate spelling & word formation7
Grammatical Range7
Mix of complex & simple sentences7
Clear and correct grammar7
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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