BAND 7.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYSIS OF FOREIGN STUDENTS IN ENGLISH-SPEAKING COUNTRIES | 2004 VS 2012 STUDY COMPARISON

Explore our IELTS Essay Sample with a Band 7.5 score, focusing on the increase in international students in English-speaking countries from 2004 to 2012. Dive deep into informative data about studying in the US, UK, Australia, and Canada, understanding how English is becoming a global academic language.

Writing Task

The bar chart and table show information about students from abroad studying in four English-speaking countries in 2004 and 2012.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 7.0 Scoring and Feedback

The overall trend is an increase in both the number and percentage of international students in most countries. The United States had the most foreign students in both years, with a slight increase from 179,000 in 2004 to 245,000 in 2012. The percentage of international students in the US remained constant at around 2%. The UK and Australia had a similar number of foreign students in both years, with an increase from 123,000 to 199,000 in the UK and from 120,000 to 198,000 in Australia. The percentage of international students in the UK increased from 11% to 13%, while the percentage in Australia increased from 10% to 12%. Canada had the lowest number of foreign students in both years, but the percentage of international students increased from 5% to 7%. Here are some of the key findings: The number of foreign students studying in four English-speaking countries increased by an average of 40% between 2004 and 2012. The United States hosted the most foreign students in both years, but the percentage of international students remained constant at around 2%. The UK and Australia had a similar number of foreign students in both years, and the percentage of international students increased in both countries. Canada had the lowest number of foreign students in both years, but the percentage of international students increased from 5% to 7%. Overall, the data shows that there has been a significant increase in the number of foreign students studying in English-speaking countries over the past decade. This trend is likely to continue, as English becomes the lingua franca of the world and more and more students seek out high-quality education opportunities abroad.
Words: 276Paragraphs: 5
Submitted: 7/15/2023, 08:44 AM

Coherence And Cohesion7.0

The essay demonstrates a clear progression of ideas, with each paragraph logically building on the previous one. It effectively uses cohesive devices like 'however,' 'while,' and 'overall' to connect ideas and comparisons, contributing to the coherence of the text. The essay is structured well, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, some sections could benefit from smoother transitions between ideas to enhance the overall flow.

Recommendations:

  • Consider varying sentence structures to maintain reader engagement and improve flow.
  • Use more varied linking words and phrases to ensure smoother transitions between sections, particularly when shifting between countries.

Lexical Resource7.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with appropriate use of terms related to data description, such as 'increase,' 'percentage,' and 'trend.' However, the lexical resource could be further enhanced by incorporating more varied and precise vocabulary. For instance, instead of repeating words like 'increase' and 'students,' synonyms or more descriptive phrases could be used. Additionally, some phrases could be more formally expressed to align with academic writing standards.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more precise vocabulary, such as 'remained stable' instead of 'remained constant.'
  • Use synonyms or varied expressions for 'increase,' such as 'rise,' 'growth,' or 'surge,' to avoid repetition.
  • Use more formal expressions, such as 'illustrates' instead of 'shows,' to enhance academic tone.

Grammatical Range7.0

The essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical structures, maintaining accuracy and control throughout. It employs a range of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences, to convey information effectively. The use of passive voice and varied sentence beginnings adds to the grammatical range, enhancing the overall coherence and clarity of the text.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more diverse sentence structures, such as conditional or relative clauses, to further enhance grammatical range.
  • Experiment with more advanced punctuation, like semicolons or dashes, to create varied sentence rhythms and enhance readability.

Task Achievement7.0

The essay effectively addresses the task by summarizing the main trends in the data regarding international students in four English-speaking countries between 2004 and 2012. The writer identifies key trends, such as the overall increase in both the number and percentage of foreign students, and provides specific data for each country. The essay makes relevant comparisons and highlights significant changes, such as the increase in the percentage of international students in the UK and Australia. However, the conclusion could be more closely tied to the data presented, and the essay could benefit from a more explicit connection between the data and the predictions made about future trends.

Recommendations:

  • Clarify the connection between the data and predictions about future trends, ensuring these are clearly based on the information provided.
  • Ensure the conclusion is directly tied to the data presented, avoiding assumptions not directly supported by the data.
GRADED
7.0
Coherence and Cohesion:7.0
Lexical Resource:7.0
Grammatical Range:7.0
Task Achievement:7.0
Band Score:7.0
Coherence and Cohesion7
Logical structure7
Introduction & conclusion present7
Supported main points7
Accurate linking words7
Variety in linking words7
Lexical Resource7
Varied vocabulary7
Accurate spelling & word formation7
Grammatical Range7
Mix of complex & simple sentences7
Clear and correct grammar7
Task Achievement7
Complete response7
Clear & comprehensive ideas7
Relevant & specific examples7
Appropriate word count7
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