BAND 7.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYSIS AND PREDICTIONS OF ENERGY CAPACITY FROM 2015-2040

Explore our comprehensive analysis of IELTS Band 7.5 essay sample on energy capacity trends from 2015 to predicted changes in 2040. We present detailed insights into the rise of solar energy and reduction in fossil fuels use, maintaining educational relevance and accuracy.

Writing Task

The pie charts below compare the proportion of energy capacity in gigawatts (GW) in 2015 with the predictions for 2040.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 7.0 Scoring and Feedback

The said pie charts provide information about the proportion of energy capacity in 2015 and the predictions for 2040. Overall, the largest source of energy in both the years 2015 and 2040 is fossil fuels. We can see a large decrease in the proportion of fossil fuels with the rise of solar energy in the year 2040 while the other energy sources almost remain unchanged in proportion. The amount of solar energy is predicted to increase massively over 25 years. From a small proportion of 2 percent to almost one-fifth of the whole energy capacity in 2040. With the rise of solar energy, fossil fuels are predicted to account for 44 percent of energy capacity in 2040 instead of 64 percent in 2015. We can say that a large proportion of fossil fuels will be replaced, mainly by solar energy. The proportion for nuclear energy is expected to not change much, while that for wind will be increased by more than twice.
Words: 162Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/15/2023, 06:24 AM

Coherence And Cohesion7.0

The essay generally follows a coherent structure, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The main ideas are logically organized, and there is a good use of linking words to connect ideas. However, there are areas where coherence and cohesion can be improved for greater clarity and flow.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to maintain clarity and coherence. For example, separate the discussion of solar and fossil fuels into distinct sections to avoid confusion.
  • Include a brief summary or conclusion that encapsulates the main trends and predictions, reinforcing the overall analysis of the data presented in the charts.
  • Improve the introduction by clearly stating the purpose of the essay and what the pie charts represent, which will set a clearer context for the reader.
  • Use more varied linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs, such as 'in addition,' 'furthermore,' or 'however,' to show contrast or continuation.

Lexical Resource7.0

The essay uses a range of vocabulary accurately to describe the data, such as "proportion," "predicted," and "account for." However, there is some repetition of phrases like "rise of solar energy" and "proportion," which could be varied to demonstrate a broader lexical resource. Additionally, the essay could benefit from more precise terminology related to energy sources, such as "renewable energy" or "energy mix."

Recommendations:

  • Use a wider range of adjectives to describe changes, e.g., "dramatic increase" or "significant reduction."
  • Use synonyms to avoid repetition, e.g., replace "rise" with "increase" or "growth."
  • Incorporate more specific vocabulary related to energy, such as "renewable sources" or "energy diversification."

Grammatical Range7.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and varied sentence types. However, there are areas where grammatical accuracy could be improved.

Recommendations:

  • Use more varied sentence structures to enhance complexity, such as using passive voice or conditional sentences where appropriate.
  • Incorporate more linking words to improve cohesion and flow between sentences, such as "therefore," "however," or "consequently."
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement in all sentences. For example, "The amount of solar energy is predicted to increase massively over 25 years" could be more concise and accurate.
  • Avoid sentence fragments. For instance, "From a small proportion of 2 percent to almost one-fifth of the whole energy capacity in 2040" should be connected to a main clause.

Task Achievement7.0

The essay accurately identifies the main trends in the data, such as the decrease in fossil fuels and increase in solar energy by 2040. It effectively highlights the significant changes and provides a clear overview of the data. However, it lacks some specific details, such as the exact proportions for each energy source in both years, and does not mention 'Other renewables'.

Recommendations:

  • Clarify the overall energy capacity increase from 2015 to 2040 to provide context.
  • Include specific data for each energy source in both 2015 and 2040 to provide a comprehensive overview.
  • Mention all categories shown in the chart, including 'Other renewables', to ensure complete coverage of the data.
GRADED
7.0
Coherence and Cohesion:7.0
Lexical Resource:7.0
Grammatical Range:7.0
Task Achievement:7.0
Band Score:7.0
Coherence and Cohesion7
Logical structure7
Introduction & conclusion present7
Supported main points7
Accurate linking words7
Variety in linking words7
Lexical Resource7
Varied vocabulary7
Accurate spelling & word formation7
Grammatical Range7
Mix of complex & simple sentences7
Clear and correct grammar7
Task Achievement7
Complete response7
Clear & comprehensive ideas7
Relevant & specific examples7
Appropriate word count7
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