BAND 7.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYZING POPULATION AGE TRENDS IN ICELAND FROM 1990 - 2020

Explore our Band 7.0 IELTS Essay Sample analyzing Iceland's population age trends from 1990-2020. Discover detailed insights into the shifting age demographics, featuring significant increase in the 25-54 age group and an observable decrease in younger age groups. Ideal for IELTS test-takers in need of sharp analysis and high scoring samples.

Writing Task

The graph gives information about the age of the population of Iceland between 1990 and 2020.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 7.0 Scoring and Feedback

The bar chart demonstrates the population age of Iceland in 5 age groups in the years of 1990, 2000, 2010 and as recent as 2020. At first glance, the significantly higher percentage of population of people between 25 and 54 years old and its gradual growth in all depicted years is noticeable since the all other age groups are evident to have downward trends. The incremental trend started at 1990 with more than 30% and reached 49% in 2020. With regards to younger residents of Iceland, a gradual decrease was visible throughout the span of 30 years, from 21 to 7% and from 27 to 17% for 15-24 and 0-14 age group, respectively. The bars representing 55-64 age group showed relatively small and negligible changes, fluctuating between 10% and 13%. The population of the oldest group of people had the same trend, starting from 10% in 1990 and reaching the climax of 15% in 2010.
Words: 155Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/24/2023, 10:16 AM

Coherence And Cohesion7.0

The essay provides a clear structure, with each paragraph focusing on a specific age group. It uses linking phrases effectively to guide the reader through the information. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother, and there are occasional abrupt shifts in focus.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure each paragraph transitions logically to the next by summarizing or linking back to the main topic.
  • Use more varied linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly, such as 'in contrast', 'similarly', or 'as a result'.
  • Avoid abrupt shifts by providing brief introductory sentences when changing focus between age groups.

Lexical Resource7.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, effectively describing the trends and changes in the population age groups in Iceland. Terms like "incremental trend," "fluctuating," and "climax" show an attempt to use varied and precise language. However, there are some inconsistencies and areas where lexical choices could be improved for clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more complex structures to demonstrate a wider range of lexical resource, such as using "whereas" or "in contrast" to highlight differences between age groups.
  • Ensure consistency in verb tense and prepositions, e.g., "started at 1990" should be "started in 1990."
  • Use more precise vocabulary to describe trends. For example, instead of "climax," consider using terms like "peak" or "highest point."
  • Avoid repetition of phrases like "gradual decrease" by using synonyms or rephrasing to maintain variety.

Grammatical Range7.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and varied sentence formations. However, there are some minor grammatical issues and awkward phrasing that could be improved to enhance clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid awkward phrasing, e.g., 'reaching the climax of 15%' could be 'peaked at 15%.'
  • Maintain consistent tense usage throughout the essay.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, e.g., 'since the all other age groups are evident to have downward trends' should be 'since all other age groups show downward trends.'
  • Use prepositions correctly, e.g., 'started at 1990' should be 'started in 1990.'

Task Achievement7.0

The essay provides a clear overview of the age distribution trends in Iceland from 1990 to 2020, highlighting the main features and making relevant comparisons. It effectively identifies the dominant trends, such as the growth in the 25-54 age group and the decline in younger age groups, and gives specific data points to support these observations.

Recommendations:

  • Consider summarizing the overall trend more succinctly in the introduction or conclusion for clarity.
  • Avoid using terms like 'climax' when describing data trends, as they can imply subjective interpretation.
  • Ensure all relevant data is included for each age group, such as the final percentage for the 65 and over group in 2020.
GRADED
7.0
Coherence and Cohesion:7.0
Lexical Resource:7.0
Grammatical Range:7.0
Task Achievement:7.0
Band Score:7.0
Coherence and Cohesion7
Logical structure7
Introduction & conclusion present7
Supported main points7
Accurate linking words7
Variety in linking words7
Lexical Resource7
Varied vocabulary7
Accurate spelling & word formation7
Grammatical Range7
Mix of complex & simple sentences7
Clear and correct grammar7
Task Achievement7
Complete response7
Clear & comprehensive ideas7
Relevant & specific examples7
Appropriate word count7
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