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BAND 7.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYZING POPULATION AGE DATA TRENDS IN ICELAND (1990-2020)

Discover comprehensive IELTS essay samples on demographic trends. Explore our sample essay on the aging population of Iceland from 1990-2020. Perfect for practicing Band 7.0 IELTS writing skills.

Writing Task

The graph gives information about the age of the population of Iceland between 1990 and 2020.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

The graph shows the age distribution of the population of Iceland between 1990 and 2020. In 1990, the majority of the population was between the ages of 20 and 39, comprising 44.6% of the total population. This was followed by the 40-59 age group, which comprised 31.1% of the population. The 60-79 age group was the third largest, accounting for 16.7% of the population. The population aged 80 and over was the smallest, comprising only 7.6% of the population. By 2020, the population aged 20-39 had decreased to 37.3%, while the 40-59 age group had grown to 33.2%. The 60-79 age group had also grown significantly, accounting for 22.3% of the population. The population aged 80 and over had grown to 7.3%. Overall, the population of Iceland is aging. The 20-39 age group has decreased significantly since 1990, while the 40-59 and 60-79 age groups have grown significantly. The population aged 80 and over has remained relatively stable.
Words: 158Paragraphs: 3
Submitted: 7/13/2023, 05:06 AM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay provides a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. It uses cohesive devices effectively to link ideas, such as 'In 1990', 'By 2020', and 'Overall'. However, some transitions between paragraphs could be smoother, and the repetition of certain phrases like 'comprising' and 'accounting for' can be reduced to enhance variety.

Recommendations:

  • Vary the vocabulary to avoid repetition of phrases like 'comprising' and 'accounting for'.
  • Use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve flow between sentences and paragraphs.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary with accurate usage for describing the age distribution of Iceland's population. However, it lacks variety and sophistication in word choice, which limits its effectiveness.

Recommendations:

  • Try to use synonyms for common words like 'population' to avoid repetition, such as 'inhabitants' or 'residents.'
  • Incorporate more varied vocabulary to describe changes, such as 'rise,' 'fall,' 'increase,' 'decline,' etc.
  • Use more descriptive adjectives or adverbs to enhance descriptions, such as 'significantly,' 'dramatically,' or 'marginally.'

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures with generally accurate use. It uses complex sentences effectively and maintains good control over verb tenses and subject-verb agreement. However, there are opportunities to enhance variety and complexity further.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more complex sentences by using a wider range of subordinating conjunctions, such as 'although,' 'whereas,' and 'while,' to show contrast or cause and effect.
  • Ensure consistent use of articles and prepositions to enhance grammatical accuracy. For example, 'the population of Iceland is aging' could be 'the population in Iceland is aging.'
  • Vary sentence structures by using different types of clauses, such as relative clauses, to provide additional information. For example, 'The 60-79 age group, which had grown significantly, accounted for 22.3% of the population.'

Task Achievement5.0

The essay provides a clear overview of the age distribution changes in Iceland's population from 1990 to 2020, highlighting major trends and shifts. However, it does not address all age groups shown in the graph, such as 0-14 and 15-24, which are essential for a complete analysis.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure consistency in reporting percentages and trends to avoid any potential inaccuracies.
  • Provide more specific comparisons between the years to illustrate trends more effectively.
  • Include data and analysis for all age groups presented in the graph, such as 0-14 and 15-24, to fully meet task requirements.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count6
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