BAND 7.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYZING AVERAGE DAILY SALES OF FOOD ITEMS AT BRISK CAFÉ BY SEASON

Explore our comprehensive Band 7.0 IELTS Essay sample that provides an in-depth analysis on the comparison of average daily income of a café across seasons. Uncover trends in consumer behavior towards hot and cold food items during winter and summer. Beneficial for IELTS preparation and food business insights.

Writing Task

The graph below shows the average daily sales of selected food items at the Brisk Café, by season.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 7.0 Scoring and Feedback

The supplied bar graph illustrates the comparison between the average daily income of the Brisk Café in five different food items during winter and summer. Overall, it is immediately apparent that while the consumption of food products keeping people warm such as hot coffee and soup are more favorable, in hot season people prefer to buy something that helps them to deal with hot weather such as ice cream and ice coffee. With regard to hot coffee and soup, which are much more popular during winter, the number of hot coffee served during winter is more than two times as popular as the number which is served in the summer. The soup also has a similar pattern, and the number of sold soups will increase from nearly 25 in summer to 50 in winter. Turning to iced coffee and ice cream, the popular items of the summer, the number of iced coffee consumers will witness a forty-fold increase in summer and reach from nearly zero in winter to almost 40 in summer. With the same pattern, there will be a rise of 10 in the number of ice cream buyers in summer and the figure will jump from nearly 25 in winter to 35 in summer. For salad, the buyers number will remain the same over these to seasons.
Words: 219Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/19/2023, 07:22 AM

Coherence And Cohesion7.0

The essay effectively organizes information with a clear structure, starting with an overview and then detailing each category. Logical connectors are used to link ideas, but there are occasional inconsistencies in cohesion and clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Use more varied cohesive devices to enhance the connection between ideas.
  • Ensure consistent use of linking words to improve flow between sentences and paragraphs.
  • Clarify ambiguous phrases like 'the number of hot coffee served' to avoid confusion.

Lexical Resource7.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary related to the topic, effectively conveying the main ideas. However, there are areas where word choice and variation could be improved to enhance clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid informal expressions, such as 'something that helps them to deal with hot weather,' and use more formal alternatives.
  • Ensure correct use of collocations, e.g., 'sales figures' instead of 'number of sold soups.'
  • Incorporate more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition, such as using synonyms for 'popular' and 'increase.'
  • Use more precise language when describing data, such as 'sales' instead of 'income' and 'items sold' instead of 'number.'

Grammatical Range7.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and appropriate use of verb tenses. However, there are some grammatical errors that affect clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid unnecessary future tense when describing data trends, e.g., 'the number of iced coffee consumers will witness' can be simplified to 'the number of iced coffee consumers witnesses.'
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, such as 'the number of hot coffee served' should be 'the number of hot coffees served.'
  • Use consistent verb tenses. For instance, 'the number of ice cream buyers in summer and the figure will jump' should be 'the number of ice cream buyers in summer and the figure jumps.'
  • Improve article usage, such as 'the buyers number' should be 'the number of buyers.'

Task Achievement7.0

The essay effectively summarizes the main features of the graph, highlighting the seasonal variations in sales of different food items at Brisk Café. It provides a clear overview and makes relevant comparisons between winter and summer sales, particularly focusing on hot coffee, soup, iced coffee, and ice cream. However, the essay could benefit from more precise numerical data and a clearer structure in the description of salad sales.

Recommendations:

  • Improve the structure by separating the discussion of each item more clearly.
  • Clarify the description of salad sales to ensure it is as detailed as other items.
  • Include specific numerical data for all items to enhance clarity and precision.
GRADED
7.0
Coherence and Cohesion:7.0
Lexical Resource:7.0
Grammatical Range:7.0
Task Achievement:7.0
Band Score:7.0
Coherence and Cohesion7
Logical structure7
Introduction & conclusion present7
Supported main points7
Accurate linking words7
Variety in linking words7
Lexical Resource7
Varied vocabulary7
Accurate spelling & word formation7
Grammatical Range7
Mix of complex & simple sentences7
Clear and correct grammar7
Task Achievement7
Complete response7
Clear & comprehensive ideas7
Relevant & specific examples7
Appropriate word count7
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