BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: TRENDS IN CANADIAN TAKEAWAY PREFERENCES AND INDIAN RESTAURANTS FROM 1960-2015

Explore our Band 6.5 IELTS essay sample on the popularity of takeaway food in Canada. Analyze pie chart data on popular cuisines, and a bar chart tracking the growth of Indian restaurants from 1960 to 2015. Stratify the data to understand the preference for Chinese, Indian, Italian and Persian takeaway food.

Writing Task

The charts below show the favorite takeaways of people in Canada and the number of Indian restaurants in Canada between 1960 and 2015.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 7.0 Scoring and Feedback

The pie chart shows which type of takeaway food is the most popular in Canada, while the bar chart shows how many Indian restaurants existed in Canada between 1960 and 2015. We can see that Chinese and Indian takeaways are the favourites, and that the number of Indian restaurants in Canada rose steadily during this period. The pie chart shows that Chinese and Indian takeaways are much more popular than all the others, at 34% and 26%. There are another two types that quite a lot of people like. These are Italian at 10% and Persian at 9%. Greek, Japanese and Mexican were only chosen by 1% of people. The pie chart shows us that Indian food is popular and the bar chart shows how its popularity grew. There was a rising trend from 1960 onwards. The increase was greatest in the 1990s, from about 5000 restaurants in 1990 to almost 8000 in 2000. Since 2007, the number has remained stable at just over 9000.
Words: 165Paragraphs: 3
Submitted: 7/23/2023, 03:14 PM

Coherence And Cohesion7.0

The essay demonstrates a logical structure with clear paragraphing and effective use of linking words. The introduction clearly outlines the content of the charts, and the body paragraphs are organized by topic, focusing on the pie chart first and then the bar chart. The linking phrases such as "while," "we can see that," and "since" help guide the reader through the information. However, there is some repetition of phrases, like "the pie chart shows," which could be varied to enhance cohesion. The essay effectively connects the two charts by comparing the popularity of Indian food with the growth of Indian restaurants, though this connection could be explicitly stated more clearly.

Recommendations:

  • Vary the use of linking phrases to avoid repetition and enhance cohesion.
  • Explicitly state the connection between the popularity of Indian food and the growth of Indian restaurants to strengthen coherence.

Lexical Resource7.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, effectively describing the data with appropriate terms like 'popular,' 'rising trend,' and 'stable.' However, it lacks variety and complexity in word choice, with repeated use of basic terms such as 'shows' and 'popular.'

Recommendations:

  • Include more descriptive adjectives to add depth, such as 'significant increase' instead of just 'increase.'
  • Incorporate more varied vocabulary to describe trends, such as 'dominant,' 'prevalent,' or 'favored.'
  • Use synonyms for common words to enhance lexical richness, e.g., replace 'shows' with 'illustrates' or 'depicts.'

Grammatical Range7.0

The essay demonstrates a good command of grammatical structures, using a mix of complex and simple sentences effectively. The writer uses correct punctuation and maintains subject-verb agreement throughout the text. There are no noticeable grammatical errors, indicating strong grammatical control.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more varied sentence structures, such as conditional or passive voice, to further demonstrate grammatical range.
  • Use linking words or phrases to connect ideas more fluidly and showcase a wider range of grammatical devices.

Task Achievement7.0

The essay effectively identifies the main trends in the charts, noting the popularity of Chinese and Indian takeaways and the increase in Indian restaurants over time. However, it lacks some specific details and comparisons that could enhance the overall analysis.

Recommendations:

  • Discuss any notable trends or patterns in the data, such as the stabilization of Indian restaurants after 2007.
  • Include more specific data points from the bar chart, such as the exact number of restaurants in each decade.
  • Make more comparisons between the popularity of different takeaway types, not just focusing on the most popular ones.
GRADED
7.0
Coherence and Cohesion:7.0
Lexical Resource:7.0
Grammatical Range:7.0
Task Achievement:7.0
Band Score:7.0
Coherence and Cohesion7
Logical structure7
Introduction & conclusion present7
Supported main points7
Accurate linking words7
Variety in linking words7
Lexical Resource7
Varied vocabulary7
Accurate spelling & word formation7
Grammatical Range7
Mix of complex & simple sentences7
Clear and correct grammar7
Task Achievement7
Complete response7
Clear & comprehensive ideas7
Relevant & specific examples7
Appropriate word count7
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