BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: COMPARATIVE ANALYSIS OF INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS IN ENGLISH-SPEAKING COUNTRIES, 2004 VS 2012

Explore an IELTS band 6.5 score essay sample analyzing the trends in the number of foreign students studying in English-speaking countries from 2004 to 2012. Dive into the comparative data, trends, and percentage changes in student populations in the US, UK, Australia, and Canada. Discover how these nations differ in educational growth and foreign student intake.

Writing Task

The bar chart and table show information about students from abroad studying in four English-speaking countries in 2004 and 2012.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

The chart and the table reveal data related to foreign students who study overseas in different English Speaking countries from 2044 to 2012. Overall, number of the students has experienced an increasing trend during the given time interval, while the percentage of the student number had less sharper increment. Turning to the chart, US had the most significant surge between 2004 and 2012; the number increased from more than 150 to roughly 250. At the same time, UK and Australia followed US trend. The number of increment was the margin of 80 for both countries and reached approximately to 200, in the year 2012. Canada, on the other hand, had fewer increment, and the number slightly improved to more than 50, on 2012. Referring to the chart, it indicated that despite the fact that the number of student increased dramatically for the US, the rate of the foreign students remain still in the mentioned years. In contrast to us, the percentage of the foreign students portion in the educational system of the three other countries faced an increment along with the number of students. UK experienced a small 4% growth, while Australia met almost a quarter and reached to 24% from its initial point at 19%. At last, Canada, same as the number of student trend had a minor improvement in terms of the percentage and went from 5% to 7%, during the mentioned years.
Words: 235Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/18/2023, 10:30 AM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay provides an overview of data on foreign students studying in English-speaking countries, focusing on trends from 2004 to 2012. It attempts to describe increases in student numbers and percentages but lacks clear organization and logical flow.

Recommendations:

  • Clarify the distinction between the number of students and their percentage representation.
  • Use more linking words to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
  • Ensure consistent use of tenses and correct any grammatical errors.
  • Improve paragraph structure by clearly separating the description of the bar chart and the table.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary with some effective use of lexical resources. However, there are occasional inaccuracies and awkward phrasing that affect clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Use more precise vocabulary to describe data trends, such as 'increase' instead of 'increment'.
  • Avoid repetition by varying word choice, such as using synonyms for 'increase' and 'improvement'.
  • Incorporate more complex lexical items and collocations to demonstrate a wider range of vocabulary.
  • Correct inaccurate expressions, such as 'less sharper increment' and 'remain still' to enhance clarity.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a range of grammatical structures but with some inaccuracies and awkward constructions. It shows attempts at complex sentences, yet there are errors in tense usage, subject-verb agreement, and article usage.

Recommendations:

  • Enhance sentence variety by incorporating more relative clauses and conjunctions to link ideas smoothly.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement is correct, e.g., 'number of students has experienced' should be 'number of students have experienced.'
  • Use the correct tense consistently, e.g., 'remain still' should be 'remained still.'
  • Improve article usage, e.g., 'US had the most significant surge' should be 'the US had the most significant surge.'
  • Avoid awkward constructions, e.g., 'number of increment was the margin of 80' can be rephrased for clarity.

Task Achievement6.0

The essay provides a summary of the data on foreign students in English-speaking countries between 2004 and 2012, highlighting trends and comparisons. It mentions the increase in student numbers and percentages but lacks clarity and accuracy in some descriptions.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure accurate representation of data, such as correctly stating the time period as 2004 to 2012 instead of '2044 to 2012.'
  • Clarify comparisons and trends, such as specifying the exact figures and differences in percentage increases for each country.
  • Focus on the overall trend more clearly, emphasizing the key changes and patterns observed in the data.
  • Avoid repetition and ensure clear differentiation between the number of students and their percentage of total students.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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