BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYZING SEASONAL SALES OF FOOD ITEMS AT BRISK CAFÉ

Dive deep into this detailed analysis of food item servings at Brisk Cafe through our IELTS Band 6.5 essay sample. Discover patterns between hot and cold items served in winter and summer, with a particular focus on the popularity of coffee across seasons.

Writing Task

The graph below shows the average daily sales of selected food items at the Brisk Café, by season.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 7.0 Scoring and Feedback

The chart above illustrates the average servings of different selected food items in Brisk Cafe in winter and summer. In an overview, It is logical that hot items serve more than cold ones in winter and we have the same pattern for cold items in the summer. Salad serves equally in winter and summer and there is a noticeable difference between serving iced coffee in winter and summer. Hot coffee is the most popular item in winter with an average of 70 servings followed by soup with 50 servings. We have salad and ice cream with nearly 25 servings in winter. It is obvious that iced coffee is not a choice in winter because it has fewer than 3 servings a day. Customers order 40 Iced coffee daily in summer. They also like ice cream and we have around 25 orders in a day. The cafe serves 30 hot coffee a day in summer. Soup and salad serves equally with around 23 orders a day.
Words: 165Paragraphs: 5
Submitted: 7/21/2023, 12:29 AM

Coherence And Cohesion7.0

The essay is generally well-structured, with a clear overview and logical progression of ideas. It uses basic cohesive devices effectively, but there is room for improvement in linking sentences and paragraphs more fluidly.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, possibly by using linking words or phrases.
  • Avoid repetitive sentence structures; vary sentence beginnings and lengths to maintain reader interest.
  • Use a wider range of cohesive devices to connect ideas more smoothly, such as 'however,' 'in contrast,' or 'similarly.'

Lexical Resource7.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary related to the topic, such as 'servings,' 'daily orders,' and 'popular item.' However, it lacks more varied and sophisticated lexical choices, which could enhance the description and analysis of the data presented in the graph.

Recommendations:

  • Employ more descriptive language to convey comparisons, such as 'significantly higher' or 'markedly lower.'
  • Incorporate more varied vocabulary to describe trends, such as 'dominant,' 'prevalent,' or 'favored.'
  • Use synonyms to avoid repetition, for example, instead of repeating 'servings,' use 'portions' or 'helpings.'

Grammatical Range7.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures with generally accurate use. Simple and complex sentences are used effectively, and there is a variety of sentence types. However, some minor errors in punctuation and article use are present, which slightly affect the overall grammatical accuracy.

Recommendations:

  • Pay attention to punctuation, such as capitalizing 'It' after a comma in 'In an overview, It is logical.'
  • Vary sentence structures further by incorporating more complex sentences to enhance grammatical range.
  • Ensure consistent use of articles, e.g., 'The salad serves equally' should be 'Salad is served equally.'

Task Achievement7.0

The essay provides a clear overview of the average daily sales of selected food items at Brisk Café across the two seasons, highlighting key differences and similarities in consumption patterns. The writer effectively identifies and compares the most and least popular items in both winter and summer, such as hot coffee being more popular in winter and iced coffee in summer. However, the essay could benefit from a more structured approach in summarizing the main features and making comparisons.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure all key data points are covered, such as the exact number of servings for each item in both seasons.
  • Avoid minor inaccuracies, such as stating the exact number of servings for items that are approximately equal.
  • Include a clear introductory sentence that summarizes the overall trend or pattern observed in the graph.
  • Make comparisons more explicit by using comparative language throughout the essay.
GRADED
7.0
Coherence and Cohesion:7.0
Lexical Resource:7.0
Grammatical Range:7.0
Task Achievement:7.0
Band Score:7.0
Coherence and Cohesion7
Logical structure7
Introduction & conclusion present7
Supported main points7
Accurate linking words7
Variety in linking words7
Lexical Resource7
Varied vocabulary7
Accurate spelling & word formation7
Grammatical Range7
Mix of complex & simple sentences7
Clear and correct grammar7
Task Achievement7
Complete response7
Clear & comprehensive ideas7
Relevant & specific examples7
Appropriate word count7
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