BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYSIS ON CANADIANS' FAVORITE TAKEAWAYS AND INDIAN RESTAURANTS GROWTH 1960 -2015

Analyse our band 6.5 score IELTS essay sample featuring Canadian takeaway trends from 1970 to 2015, with a deep-dive into the popularity of Indian restaurants. Understand IELTS writing with practical examples & score enhancement techniques.

Writing Task

The charts below show the favorite takeaways of people in Canada and the number of Indian restaurants in Canada between 1960 and 2015.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 7.0 Scoring and Feedback

The supplied pie chart illustrates the popular takeaways in Canada, and the bar graph shows how many Indian restaurants had been built in Canada, over the 55-year period from 1970 to 2015. It is immediately apparent that Indian and Chinese takeaways were bar far the most favorable ones, and It can be seen that the number of Indian restaurants has increased over the period as a whole. With respect to the pie chart, just over one-third of the chart has been dedicated to Chinese restaurants which is the highest percentage among others. The second most popular restaurant was those of Indians with 26%. Italian, Persian, and never order were nearly half as popular with 10%, 9%, and 11%, respectively. Considering the bar graph, the number of Indian restaurants stood at a negligible number in 1960. Then over the period, this number steadily increased to nearly 9000 in 2007, and after remaining the same for 8 years finished the project at the same number.
Words: 163Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/20/2023, 02:23 PM

Coherence And Cohesion7.0

The essay provides a clear overview of the charts, with logical organization and appropriate paragraphing. It begins with an introduction that outlines the contents of the charts, followed by separate paragraphs detailing the pie chart and bar graph. The use of linking phrases like 'with respect to' and 'considering' helps guide the reader through the text. However, some transitions could be smoother, and there are minor issues with sentence structure and repetition.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid repetition of phrases like 'over the period' by using synonyms or rephrasing.
  • Ensure consistent use of tense and structure, such as 'bar far' should be 'by far.'
  • Improve transitions between sentences and paragraphs for smoother flow. For example, use more varied linking words and phrases to connect ideas.

Lexical Resource7.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with some attempts at using less common words, such as 'illustrates,' 'apparent,' and 'dedicated.' However, there are occasional inaccuracies, such as 'bar far,' and some repetition, particularly with the word 'restaurants.'

Recommendations:

  • Correct minor inaccuracies, such as 'bar far' to 'by far,' to improve precision.
  • Expand your vocabulary by using synonyms for frequently repeated words like 'restaurants' (e.g., 'establishments,' 'eateries').
  • Incorporate more varied expressions or phrases to describe increases or decreases, such as 'rose significantly' or 'experienced a steady growth.'

Grammatical Range7.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including simple and complex sentences. However, there are several errors that affect clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Use articles correctly, e.g., 'the most favorable ones' instead of 'most favorable ones.'
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, e.g., 'Indian and Chinese takeaways were bar far the most favorable ones' should be 'by far the most favored.'
  • Be consistent with verb tenses, e.g., 'has been' should be 'were' since the data is historical.
  • Fix capitalization errors, e.g., 'It' should not be capitalized after a comma.

Task Achievement7.0

The essay effectively addresses the task by summarizing the main features of both charts. It clearly identifies Chinese and Indian takeaways as the most popular, and accurately describes the trend of increasing Indian restaurants over time. The essay includes relevant data from the charts, such as percentages and specific years, to support the descriptions.

Recommendations:

  • Include more detailed comparisons between the different types of takeaways for a comprehensive overview.
  • Clarify the relationship between the popularity of Indian takeaways and the increase in Indian restaurants.
GRADED
7.0
Coherence and Cohesion:7.0
Lexical Resource:7.0
Grammatical Range:7.0
Task Achievement:7.0
Band Score:7.0
Coherence and Cohesion7
Logical structure7
Introduction & conclusion present7
Supported main points7
Accurate linking words7
Variety in linking words7
Lexical Resource7
Varied vocabulary7
Accurate spelling & word formation7
Grammatical Range7
Mix of complex & simple sentences7
Clear and correct grammar7
Task Achievement7
Complete response7
Clear & comprehensive ideas7
Relevant & specific examples7
Appropriate word count7
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