BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYSIS AND COMPARISON OF CANADIAN TAKEAWAYS AND INDIAN RESTAURANTS FROM 1960-2015

Discover our detailed analysis of IELTS Essay Band Score 6.5, examining the popularity of global takeaway food in Canada and the growth of Indian restaurants from 1960-2015. Explore Canadians' food preferences and the rise of ethnic cuisine establishments in our comprehensively analyzed IELTS essay sample.

Writing Task

The charts below show the favorite takeaways of people in Canada and the number of Indian restaurants in Canada between 1960 and 2015.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 7.0 Scoring and Feedback

The pie chart demonstrates the popularity of takeaways among Canadian people in terms of the food's origin and the bar chart illustrates the number of Indian restaurants from 1960 to 2015. Overall, it is clear from the pie chart that Chinese and Indian food have been the most favorite in Canada and also it can be understood from the bar chart that in 2009 and 2015 the highest number of Indian restaurants were existed in Canada throughout the 55 years period. Focusing on the favorite takeaways, almost one third of the Canadian folks like Chinese food and more than a quarter find their interest in Indian. 11 percent of the people say that they never eat out while 10 and 9 percent would like to eat Italian and Iranian food respectively. And the remained 10 percent are more likely to have other nations' food like Greek, Thai, Mexican, Japanese and etc. Regarding the number of Indian restaurants, there was an intense increasing trend from 1960 to 1997 and the number of the restaurants rose from about 500 to almost 8000 during the period. In 2007 the number reached to around 10k and did not experience any considerable change for the next eight years.
Words: 203Paragraphs: 4
Submitted: 7/20/2023, 08:30 AM

Coherence And Cohesion7.0

The essay presents information clearly with logical paragraphing and appropriate use of linking words. However, some areas need improvement in terms of cohesion and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Use a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance flow, such as 'in addition' or 'furthermore' when introducing new points.
  • Avoid repetition of phrases like 'it is clear' by varying expressions to maintain reader engagement.
  • Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea for clarity. For instance, separate the discussion of favorite takeaways and the number of Indian restaurants into distinct sections.
  • Improve transitions between sentences and paragraphs for better logical flow, such as using 'similarly' or 'in contrast' when comparing data.

Lexical Resource7.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with some varied expressions related to the topic of takeaways and restaurants. However, there are areas where word choice could be more precise or varied to enhance clarity and sophistication.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more specific vocabulary related to data description, such as 'dominant,' 'prevalent,' or 'proportion.'
  • Use more varied vocabulary to describe trends, such as 'dramatic rise' or 'steady increase,' instead of 'intense increasing trend.'
  • Avoid repetition by using synonyms or rephrasing. For example, instead of repeating 'number of Indian restaurants,' consider 'establishments' or 'outlets.'

Grammatical Range7.0

The essay demonstrates a good use of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and varied sentence forms. However, there are some areas where grammatical accuracy can be improved.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid unnecessary words, e.g., 'did not experience any considerable change' can be simplified to 'remained stable.'
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, e.g., 'the highest number of Indian restaurants were existed' should be 'were present.'
  • Use articles correctly, e.g., 'the remained 10 percent' should be 'the remaining 10 percent.'

Task Achievement7.0

The essay provides a clear overview of the data in both charts, accurately identifying the main trends and key points. It highlights the popularity of Chinese and Indian food and the growth in the number of Indian restaurants over time. The essay effectively summarizes the main features and makes relevant comparisons between the data sets.

Recommendations:

  • Clarify the language around the time periods and trends, such as specifying that the number of Indian restaurants plateaued after 2007.
  • Include more specific data points from the charts, such as exact numbers or percentages for different years, to enhance clarity and detail.
  • Ensure all relevant categories in the pie chart are mentioned, such as Thai, Mexican, and Japanese, to provide a comprehensive overview.
GRADED
7.0
Coherence and Cohesion:7.0
Lexical Resource:7.0
Grammatical Range:7.0
Task Achievement:7.0
Band Score:7.0
Coherence and Cohesion7
Logical structure7
Introduction & conclusion present7
Supported main points7
Accurate linking words7
Variety in linking words7
Lexical Resource7
Varied vocabulary7
Accurate spelling & word formation7
Grammatical Range7
Mix of complex & simple sentences7
Clear and correct grammar7
Task Achievement7
Complete response7
Clear & comprehensive ideas7
Relevant & specific examples7
Appropriate word count7
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