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BAND 7.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYSIS AND COMPARISON OF STUDENTS FROM ABROAD STUDYING IN ENGLISH-SPEAKING COUNTRIES IN 2004 AND 2012

Explore our in-depth analysis of IELTS band 7.0 essay samples. This page studies the distribution of overseas students in English speaking countries - the USA, UK, Australia, and Canada from 2004 to 2012. Uncover trends in foreign student population and percentages in these nations. Ideal study material for IELTS aspirants.

Writing Task

The bar chart and table show information about students from abroad studying in four English-speaking countries in 2004 and 2012.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.5 Scoring and Feedback

The supplied bar chart and table provide information on the number of overseas students who are studying in four different English speaking countries including USA, UK, Australia and Canada in the years 2004 and 2012. From the bar chart and table it can be plainly viewed that there was an upward trend in the number and percentage of foreign students and while the USA had the maximum number of overseas students, it had the minimum students as percentage of total student number. According to bar chart, the USA's number of students was about 175 and 245 in 2004 and 2012 respectively, being higher than all other countries in these years. Although the bar chart shows that the USA had the largest number of foreign students, the table displays that not only the USA had the least foreign students as percentage of total student but also there was a constant trend in the percentage of them (2%) in 2004 and 2012. Moreover it can be seen that Canada had the lowest number and percentage of foreign students in these years. Australia and the UK were in the second and third position. It is seen that the number of foreign students in Australia and the UK were nearly the same equal to 120 and just under 200 in 2004 and 2012, respectively, while the percentage of them were completely different and Australia exceeded the UK in the percentage of foreign students in these years.
Words: 242Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/21/2023, 04:10 AM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing information to compare data across countries and years. There is a logical flow of ideas, with the use of linking words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs. However, some areas could benefit from improved transitions and clearer structuring to enhance readability.

Recommendations:

  • Clarify comparisons by consistently using comparative structures, such as 'more than,' 'less than,' or 'as much as,' to make relationships between data points clearer.
  • Use more varied linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between ideas, such as 'in contrast,' 'similarly,' or 'additionally.'
  • Improve paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph has a clear central idea, particularly in the section comparing Australia and the UK.

Lexical Resource7.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary appropriate to the task, with some effective use of synonyms and descriptive terms. However, there are areas where lexical choices could be more precise or varied to enhance clarity and engagement.

Recommendations:

  • Consider using linking words like 'additionally,' 'furthermore,' or 'in contrast' to improve the flow and cohesion of ideas.
  • Ensure clarity by avoiding overly complex sentence structures that may confuse the reader.
  • Use more varied synonyms for common words like 'students' and 'countries' to avoid repetition and enhance lexical resource.
  • Incorporate more specific terms related to data interpretation, such as 'increase,' 'decline,' 'proportion,' or 'rate,' to add precision.

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and accurate use of tenses. However, there are areas where sentence structures could be varied more to enhance readability and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure subject-verb agreement is consistently correct, especially in complex sentences.
  • Incorporate more varied sentence structures, such as using relative clauses or passive voice, to increase complexity.
  • Use more transitional phrases to connect ideas smoothly and improve the flow of information.

Task Achievement6.0

The essay provides a clear overview of the data presented in the bar chart and table, highlighting key trends and comparisons between the four countries. It identifies the main features, such as the upward trend in the number of foreign students, the USA having the most students but the lowest percentage, and Australia's higher percentage compared to the UK. However, some details are either slightly inaccurate or could be elaborated further for clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Use more varied vocabulary to describe trends and comparisons.
  • Ensure all numerical data is accurately represented, such as stating exact numbers from the chart and table.
  • Clarify the statement about Canada having the lowest number and percentage, as this is not entirely accurate according to the data.
  • Include more detailed comparisons between the countries, especially focusing on changes over time and differences in percentages.
GRADED
6.5
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:7.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.5
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource7
Varied vocabulary7
Accurate spelling & word formation7
Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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