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BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYSIS OF CANADIAN FAVOURITE TAKEAWAYS AND INDIAN RESTAURANTS TREND (1960-2015)

Explore our Band 6.5 IELTS essay that provides a comprehensive analysis of Canadian's favorite takeout foods and the growth of Indian restaurants in Canada since 1960. Understand the trends, preferences and growth in Canada's food industry. Discover why Chinese food is the most popular and how Indian cuisine is catching up!

Writing Task

The charts below show the favorite takeaways of people in Canada and the number of Indian restaurants in Canada between 1960 and 2015.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.5 Scoring and Feedback

The pie chart illustrates Canadian's favorite takeout foods and the bar chart depicts the number of Indian restaurants active in Canada's food industry in the span of 55 years starting from 1960. At first glance, the popularity of Chinese food is noticeable which accounts for 34% of the takeouts. Indian food stands the second place with 26% and with a 16% drop, Italian food is the third most favorite food in Canada. Persian, Thai, Mexican, Japanese and Greek seem to be the less popular dishes since the numbers associated with them are 9%, 3%, 1%, 1% and 1%. 4% of the population have reportedly ordered from other takeouts and surprisingly, 11% of Canadians never consume takeaway dishes. The bar chart attributed to the number of Indian restaurants demonstrates a significant escalation from 1960 up untill 2015. At first in 1960, there are less than 500 active Indian restaurants in canada. The number keeps growing until 2009 to 9000. From 2009 to 2015 the bars seem to show negligible changes.
Words: 169Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/23/2023, 06:22 AM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay provides a clear structure, with an introduction, description of the pie chart, and analysis of the bar chart. However, the transitions between ideas can be improved for smoother flow. The use of linking words is minimal, and some sentences feel abrupt, affecting coherence. The essay does not fully integrate the two charts to make meaningful comparisons, which impacts cohesion.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, possibly by summarizing key points before moving on.
  • Use more linking words and phrases (e.g., 'furthermore', 'in addition', 'however') to connect ideas smoothly.
  • Integrate the information from both charts to make comparisons and highlight relationships between them.

Lexical Resource7.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with some effective use of lexical resources. There is a variety of descriptive terms and specific vocabulary related to the topic, such as 'takeout foods,' 'depicts,' 'popularity,' and 'escalation.' However, there are some areas where word choice could be improved for clarity and precision. For example, 'Canadian's' should be 'Canadians’' to correctly indicate possession. Additionally, the phrase 'less popular dishes' could be expanded with more specific language to enhance precision. The essay also uses some repetitive language, such as 'number,' which could be varied to improve lexical richness.

Recommendations:

  • Correct possessive forms and grammatical errors to enhance clarity, such as changing 'Canadian's' to 'Canadians’.'
  • Incorporate more specific descriptive language for less popular items, such as 'marginally favored' or 'least preferred.'
  • Use more precise and varied vocabulary to describe data trends and comparisons, such as 'dominates,' 'accounts for,' or 'constitutes.'
  • Avoid repetition by using synonyms or rephrasing, particularly for common terms like 'number' and 'popularity.'

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and varied sentence types. However, there are some grammatical errors that affect clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Vary sentence structures further to enhance complexity and flow.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, e.g., 'Canadian's favorite takeout foods' should be 'Canadians' favorite takeout foods.'
  • Correct spelling errors, such as 'up untill' to 'up until.'
  • Use consistent capitalization for proper nouns, e.g., 'canada' should be 'Canada.'

Task Achievement7.0

The essay provides a clear overview of the two charts, identifying key trends and data points. It accurately describes the popularity of different takeout foods in Canada and the growth of Indian restaurants over time. The essay compares the data effectively, highlighting the prominence of Chinese and Indian cuisines and the significant increase in Indian restaurants.

Recommendations:

  • Provide a clearer summary statement linking the two charts at the end to reinforce the relationships and trends.
  • Use more varied vocabulary to describe changes and trends, such as 'dramatic increase' or 'steady growth,' to enhance clarity and engagement.
  • Include more specific comparisons between the charts, such as correlating the popularity of Indian food with the increase in Indian restaurants.
GRADED
6.5
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:7.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:7.0
Band Score:6.5
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource7
Varied vocabulary7
Accurate spelling & word formation7
Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement7
Complete response7
Clear & comprehensive ideas7
Relevant & specific examples7
Appropriate word count7
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