BAND 7.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: COMPARING NEWS ACCESS METHODS IN CANADA AND AUSTRALIA

Explore a detailed analysis of the means of acquiring information in Canada and Australia. This band 7.5 score IELTS essay sample highlights the preference for online platforms in Australia and television in Canada. Dive deeper into the usage of TV, social media, radio, and print methods in both nations.

Writing Task

The pie charts compare ways of accessing the news in Canada and Australia.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

The data source reports on the methods Canadian and Australian used to acquire new information. Overall, the main means of gaining data in Australia is online platforms, while people in Canada rely greatly on television to update news. On the one hand, TV and social medias are the most used ways to access to daily news in both countries. In finer details, the proportion of digital networks in Australia’s processes of obtain information is greater than that of Canada, at 52% and 36%, respectively. In contrast, 3% more Canadians use television to update daily news than Australians. On the other hand, radio, print and other methods are less likely to be operated by both nations. In greater data, the number of individuals who read newspaper in Canada is doubled that of Australia, which accounted for 7%. Moreover, only 7% of total population of Canada listen to radio; similarly, this number decreases to 2% in Australia.
Words: 155Paragraphs: 3
Submitted: 7/14/2023, 06:43 AM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay provides a clear comparison of how news is accessed in Canada and Australia, with a logical structure that supports the analysis. Paragraphs are used effectively to separate different points, and linking words are generally used well to connect ideas. However, there are some issues with coherence and cohesion that can be improved.

Recommendations:

  • Clarify the connection between sentences by providing more context or explanations, such as explaining why certain methods are less popular.
  • Improve the use of linking words to enhance flow between sentences. For example, use 'however' instead of 'in contrast' for smoother transitions.
  • Ensure consistency in terminology. Use 'social media' instead of 'social medias' for grammatical accuracy.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary with some inaccuracies and repetition. There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary, but some words are used incorrectly or awkwardly, affecting clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more varied and sophisticated vocabulary to enhance the description of data trends.
  • Use more precise vocabulary to describe data sources, such as 'methods' instead of 'data source'.
  • Avoid repetition of words like 'news' and 'data'; use synonyms or rephrase sentences.
  • Ensure correct usage of collocations, such as 'access to' instead of 'access to daily news.'
  • Clarify expressions like 'processes of obtain information' to ensure grammatical accuracy and clarity.

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences, but there are some errors that affect clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Consider varying sentence structures more to enhance complexity and fluency.
  • Use correct verb forms and tense consistency. For example, change 'Canadian and Australian used' to 'Canadians and Australians use.'
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement. Change 'TV and social medias are' to 'TV and social media are.'
  • Use articles correctly. For example, use 'the' before 'main means' in 'the main means of gaining data.'
  • Correct preposition usage. Change 'access to daily news' to 'access daily news.'

Task Achievement6.0

The essay provides a clear overview of how Canadians and Australians access news, highlighting the main points and making relevant comparisons. It identifies the predominant methods in each country and gives specific percentages for various modes of news access.

Recommendations:

  • Use more varied language to describe the data, avoiding repetition of phrases like 'update daily news.'
  • Ensure all data from the charts is accurately and completely reported. For example, mention the 'not specified' category and its figures.
  • Provide a clearer and more structured introduction, summarizing the main trends before diving into details.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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