BAND 7.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYSIS OF GLOBAL PRODUCTION PROJECTIONS FOR 2040 AND 2060

Explore our Band 7.5 score IELTS essay sample on global projected production from 2040-2060. Detailed analysis on sectors like services, manufacturing, materials, energy, and agriculture. Ideal guide for IELTS test preparation.

Writing Task

The charts show projections for global production by sector in 2040 and 2060.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

The given pie charts provide information on projected production by sector of the world from 2040 to 2060. From the pie charts it can be plainly viewed that services will be the biggest part during this period that will have a rising trend too while, materials and agriculture will be the lowest segments in 2040 and 2060 respectively. Services will account for 40% of projected production of the world in 2040, and is going to experience a 1 percent increase in 2060. Moreover the manufacturing and info-com tech will experience 2 and 1 percent increase during this period. At the beginning of the period materials will make up 3% of the world's projected production , and is going to rise to 4% in 2060. It can be seen that energy, which will comprise 7% of the projected projection in 2040, will have been fell to 5% by 2060. In the same way agriculture will experience a 3% change from 4% to 1% between 2040 and 2060.
Words: 166Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/20/2023, 02:47 PM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay provides a clear overview of the projected changes in global production by sector between 2040 and 2060. It organizes information logically, beginning with an introduction and then detailing changes in each sector. However, there are some issues with cohesion and clarity in certain parts of the text.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure consistent use of tenses to maintain cohesion. For example, 'is going to experience' can be replaced with 'will experience' for uniformity.
  • Use more cohesive devices to link sentences and paragraphs. For example, use phrases like 'in contrast' or 'similarly' to better connect ideas.
  • Clarify ambiguous phrases. For instance, replace 'will have been fell' with 'will fall' to maintain clarity.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay uses a range of vocabulary to describe the projected changes in global production sectors from 2040 to 2060. It includes specific terms related to the sectors, such as 'services,' 'manufacturing,' and 'info-com tech.' However, the vocabulary could be more varied and precise to enhance clarity and sophistication.

Recommendations:

  • Include linking words and phrases like 'similarly,' 'in contrast,' and 'as a result' to improve the flow and coherence of the essay.
  • Avoid informal language like 'plainly viewed' and opt for more formal expressions like 'clearly observed.'
  • Incorporate more varied vocabulary to describe trends, such as 'increase,' 'rise,' 'decline,' and 'fall,' to avoid repetition and enhance clarity.
  • Use more precise terms for changes, such as 'growth,' 'reduction,' 'expansion,' and 'contraction,' to convey specific trends more effectively.

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and varied sentence types. However, there are some grammatical errors and awkward constructions that impact the overall clarity and accuracy.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid minor punctuation errors, such as unnecessary commas, to improve readability.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, e.g., 'Services will account for 40%... and is going to experience...' should be 'and are going to experience.'
  • Use consistent tense forms, particularly when discussing future projections. For example, 'will have been fell' should be 'will have fallen.'
  • Improve sentence structure by combining related ideas into more complex sentences, such as using relative clauses or conjunctions to link ideas.

Task Achievement6.0

The essay successfully identifies the main features of the pie charts, focusing on the changes in sector proportions from 2040 to 2060. It highlights the increase in the services sector and decreases in energy and agriculture. However, it could provide a more comprehensive overview by including all sectors and their relative changes.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure all changes are clearly explained, such as the significance of a 1% increase or decrease.
  • Include all sectors in the summary to provide a complete overview of the data.
  • Add more specific comparisons between sectors to highlight trends and shifts.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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