BAND 7.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYSIS OF CANADA'S FAVORITE TAKEAWAYS AND INDIAN RESTAURANTS FROM 1960-2015

Explore our Band 7.5 IELTS essay sample providing in-depth analysis of the popularity of different takeaways and the growth of Indian restaurants in Canada from 1960 to 2015. Gain insights into Canadians' favorite cuisines and the rising trend in Indian cuisine.

Writing Task

The charts below show the favorite takeaways of people in Canada and the number of Indian restaurants in Canada between 1960 and 2015.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

The supplied pie chart and bar chart provide information on the percentage of favorite takeaways in Canada as well as the number of Indian restaurants located in Canada from 1960 to 2015. Overall, we can see that Chinese takeaways were the most favorite while Mexican, Japanese and Greek deliveries were the least favorite and there was a rising trend in the number of Indian restaurants in Canada over this period of time. From the pie chart it can be plainly viewed that Chinese and Indian takeaways were the most wanted deliveries in Canada accounted for 34% and 26% of takeaway services. Moreover, Italian, Persian, and Thai stood at lower levels of popularity among Canadian people. It is also seen that Mexican, Japanese and Greek takeaways were the least well-known deliveries in Canada and each of them were used by 1% of Canadians while other takeaways were used by about 4% of people in Canada. The given pie chart depicts that 11% of Canadian didn't utilized takeaways. It can be concluded from the bar chart that apart from a slight fall in 2011, the number of Indian restaurants situated in Canada soared from 1960 to 2015. It can be seen that it rocketed between 1960 and 1997, then there was a slight increase from 1997 to 2000, and also picked in 2009 and stood at around 9000. It levelled of from 2011 to 2015.
Words: 233Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/21/2023, 12:47 PM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay is logically structured, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the data, making it easy to follow. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, the transition from discussing the pie chart to the bar chart could be more fluid. Additionally, the use of linking words and phrases could be more varied to enhance coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to guide the reader.
  • Improve transitions between paragraphs by using more varied linking words and phrases.
  • Use more cohesive devices to connect ideas within paragraphs.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, using terms like 'soared,' 'rocketed,' and 'leveled off' to describe trends. However, there are some inaccuracies and repetitions, such as 'most favorite' and 'most wanted,' which could be refined for precision. Additionally, the essay could benefit from more varied vocabulary to enhance clarity and engagement.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more varied and sophisticated vocabulary to describe trends and comparisons.
  • Avoid repetitive expressions like 'most favorite' and 'most wanted'; use varied terms such as 'preferred' or 'popular.'
  • Ensure accurate use of vocabulary; for example, 'utilized' should be 'utilize.'

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and varied sentence types. However, there are some grammatical errors that affect clarity and precision, such as subject-verb agreement issues and incorrect tense usage.

Recommendations:

  • Vary sentence structures further by incorporating more compound and complex sentences.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, e.g., 'each of them were' should be 'each of them was.'
  • Use consistent tense, e.g., 'didn't utilized' should be 'didn't utilize.'

Task Achievement6.0

The essay provides a clear overview of the main features of the charts, identifying Chinese takeaways as the most popular and noting the increase in Indian restaurants over time. It correctly highlights key percentages and trends from the charts, such as the popularity of Chinese and Indian takeaways and the growth in Indian restaurants. However, there are some inaccuracies and areas lacking clarity, such as the description of trends and the use of specific data points.

Recommendations:

  • Clarify the description of trends, particularly the changes in the number of Indian restaurants over specific periods.
  • Ensure accuracy in data reporting, such as the exact percentage of people who never ordered takeaways.
  • Include more comparisons between the two charts to enhance the analysis.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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