BAND 7.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYSIS AND SUMMARY OF ICELAND'S POPULATION AGE RANGE TRENDS FROM 1990-2020

Dive into our comprehensive IELTS essay sample with a band score of 7.5. Explore a detailed analysis of a line graph detailing the age distribution of Iceland's population from 1990 to 2020. Understand the trends, intricacies, and key changes, which are crucial for mastering IELTS Writing Task 1.

Writing Task

The graph gives information about the age of the population of Iceland between 1990 and 2020.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

Presented is a line graph comparing the age of Icelanders in thirty-year period from 1990 to 2020. Overall it can be clearly seen from the graph that the population of the middle-aged people from 25 to 54 had been always the highest percentages, while the lowest figures varied in the different years . In 1990, people age between 25 to 54 stood at about 33%, afterwards, their rate increase gradually until 2010 at 38%, however, its rate increased sharply and reached a high of about 48%. Moreover, age between 0 to 14 were the second highest figure among all the given years, peaking at 36% in 1990, and then have the lowest amount in 2019 at 18%. In addition, the young generation, between 15 to 25, had the highest level in 1990 at 22%, opposed to the lowest percentage in the graph in 2020 which was 8%. In addition, in 2020, people age from 15 to 24 and also 65 and over had accounted the same figure at 15%. On the other hand, in all years except 1990 the percentage of people who were between 55 to 64 was bigger that the age group of 65 and over, experiencing the lowest figures at 1990 and 2000 at similarly at 12% for 65 and over. The both categories witnessed small fluctuations during the given time, varying from 10% to 15% in 2020 and 2010, respectively. Furthermore, people in 65 and over registered the same figute in 1990 and 2000, similar to 2010 and 2020.
Words: 253Paragraphs: 3
Submitted: 7/20/2023, 02:35 PM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay presents information about the age distribution in Iceland effectively, but there are issues with coherence and cohesion that disrupt the flow. The use of linking words and phrases is inconsistent, and some sentences lack clarity, making it difficult to follow the progression of ideas.

Recommendations:

  • Use pronouns and reference words to avoid repetition and enhance cohesion.
  • Use more cohesive devices like 'however,' 'in contrast,' and 'similarly' to link ideas and paragraphs smoothly.
  • Avoid abrupt transitions by providing brief explanations or context when introducing new data points.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea, and maintain logical progression within and between paragraphs.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with some attempts at complex language. However, there are noticeable errors in word choice and formality that affect clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more varied and advanced vocabulary to describe data trends and comparisons.
  • Use more precise vocabulary to describe changes, such as 'increase' instead of 'increase gradually' or 'sharp rise.'
  • Avoid repetition of phrases like 'the highest level' by using synonyms or rephrasing.
  • Be careful with prepositions and conjunctions, such as 'age between' should be 'aged between' and 'opposed to' should be 'compared to.'
  • Ensure consistency in tense usage to maintain clarity and coherence.

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including simple and complex sentences. However, there are several grammatical errors and inconsistencies that affect the overall clarity and accuracy of the writing.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure parallelism in lists, e.g., 'people age from 15 to 24 and also 65 and over' should be 'people aged 15 to 24 and 65 and over.'
  • Use consistent tense throughout the essay. For instance, 'had been always the highest percentages' should be 'has always been the highest percentage.'
  • Correct preposition use, such as 'in thirty-year period' should be 'over a thirty-year period.'
  • Improve article usage, for example, 'the age between 0 to 14' should be 'the age group between 0 and 14.'
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, especially in sentences such as 'their rate increase gradually' which should be 'their rate increased gradually.'

Task Achievement6.0

The essay provides a general overview of the graph, accurately identifying the main trends and changes in the population age groups in Iceland from 1990 to 2020. It highlights the dominance of the 25-54 age group and notes the fluctuations in other age groups.

Recommendations:

  • Provide a clearer summary or conclusion to encapsulate the overall trends and key comparisons.
  • Include more specific data points for each age group to enhance clarity and precision.
  • Ensure consistent terminology and correct age group labels to avoid confusion.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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