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BAND 7.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: FUTURE PROJECTIONS OF GLOBAL PRODUCTION BY SECTOR FOR 2040 AND 2060

Explore our comprehensive IELTS Band 7.0 essay sample illustrating global production trends across different sectors, including Services, Manufacturing, and Materials in 2040 and 2060. Understand the shifts in production, observe sector performance, and gain insights into future dependencies.

Writing Task

The charts show projections for global production by sector in 2040 and 2060.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

The charts illustrate the projection for how much each sector such as Services and Materials produce globally and indicates the differences between the amount of each, in 2040 and 2060. Overall, it can be seen that Services sector has the highest amount of production in both 2040 and 2060, following that, Manufacturing takes the second palace. Regarding the least amount of production, it varies in the years in question, with Materials having 3 percent of the whole production in 2040 and Agriculture having 1 percent in 2060. With respect to the info-com Tech sector, it witnessed a slight rise. As for Agriculture and Energy, we can see a marginally decline. The other four sectors also had a negligibly growth. Having risen by about 2 percent, the Manufacturing sector will have 33 percent of the total production in 2060. Looking at the details, we can say that people tend to depend on services more than other sectors in 2060.
Words: 158Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/25/2023, 02:34 PM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay provides an overview of the projected global production by sector for 2040 and 2060. It identifies main trends, such as the dominance of the Services sector and changes in other sectors like Manufacturing, Agriculture, and Info-Com Tech. The essay attempts to make comparisons between the two years and highlights key differences.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure consistent use of tense to maintain coherence throughout the essay. For instance, use future tense when discussing projections.
  • Improve paragraph structure to ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea or comparison. This will enhance clarity and flow.
  • Use more cohesive devices and linking words (e.g., 'however,' 'in contrast,' 'similarly') to better connect ideas and comparisons across the essay.
  • Clarify comparisons by explicitly stating the differences or similarities between the two years for each sector, rather than implying them.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use less common lexical items. However, there are several instances of incorrect word choice and collocations, which slightly hinder clarity and precision. Phrases like "takes the second palace" should be corrected to "takes second place." The use of terms such as "marginally decline" and "negligibly growth" are incorrect; the correct forms would be "marginal decline" and "negligible growth." Additionally, the repetition of basic vocabulary like "amount" could be improved by using synonyms such as "proportion" or "share."

Recommendations:

  • Replace incorrect terms and collocations with accurate ones, such as 'takes second place' instead of 'takes the second palace.'
  • Use a wider range of synonyms to avoid repetition, such as 'proportion' instead of 'amount.'
  • Ensure correct use of adjectives and adverbs, such as 'marginal decline' instead of 'marginally decline.'

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and varied sentence types. However, there are several grammatical errors that affect clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Use more varied sentence structures to improve readability and engagement, such as using conditional or relative clauses.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement is correct, e.g., 'Services sector has' should be 'Services sector have.'
  • Use articles correctly, e.g., 'takes the second palace' should be 'takes second place.'
  • Correct pluralization errors, e.g., 'negligibly growth' should be 'negligible growth.'
  • Maintain consistent verb tenses, e.g., 'witnessed a slight rise' should match the tense context of the sentence.

Task Achievement6.0

The essay provides an overview of the projected global production by sector for the years 2040 and 2060. It identifies the Services sector as the largest contributor in both years and notes the changes in other sectors, such as a rise in Manufacturing and a decline in Agriculture and Energy. However, the essay lacks specific numerical details and comparisons for each sector.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure all sectors are mentioned and compared between the two years to provide a comprehensive summary.
  • Include specific numerical data for each sector to support your observations and make the comparisons clearer.
  • Highlight key changes and trends more explicitly, such as the specific growth or decline percentages for each sector.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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