BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: PROJECTIONS OF GLOBAL PRODUCTION BY SECTOR FOR 2040 AND 2060

Explore our Band 6.5 score IELTS essay sample showcasing projected international production by sector for 2040 and 2060. Delve into detailed data for services, manufacturing, materials, energy, agriculture, and info-com tech in future trends.

Writing Task

The charts show projections for global production by sector in 2040 and 2060.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

The pie graphs give information about the proportion of international projected production by secto in 2040 and 2060. They include services, manufacturing, materials, energy, agriculture and info-com tech. First at all, the highest percentage in both two years is services, with 40% and 41% respectively. The second highest one is manufacturing, with 31% in 2040 and it increases to 33% in 2060. Info-com tech has 15 percent and there is a slightly increase in 2060, by only 1%. In 2040, 7% and 4% are the percentage of energy and agriculture respectively. In 2040, the materials has the lowest percentage, with only 3% while in 2060, the lowest is agriculture, with 1%. Besides that, the materials at that time has 4%, which is the second lowest. The percentage of energy is higher than materials mininally, which has 5%. Overall, in both 2 years, the highest percentage is sevices while there is a change in the lowest one, which is materials and agriculture.
Words: 161Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/15/2023, 03:46 PM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay describes the projected proportions of global production by sector for 2040 and 2060, focusing on services, manufacturing, materials, energy, agriculture, and info-com tech. It provides a comparative analysis of the sectors' percentages over the two years.

Recommendations:

  • Use cohesive devices like 'however,' 'in addition,' and 'similarly' to strengthen cohesion.
  • Improve paragraph transitions to enhance flow and connectivity between ideas.
  • Clarify comparisons by explicitly stating changes, rather than implicit assumptions, to improve clarity.
  • Ensure logical grouping of similar ideas to avoid fragmented information.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay uses a range of vocabulary to describe the projected production by sector. However, there are some inaccuracies and repetitive language that affect the clarity and precision of the description.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate linking words to improve cohesion, such as 'in comparison' or 'similarly.'
  • Use more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition, such as using synonyms for 'percentage' (e.g., 'proportion', 'share').
  • Improve collocations, for example, 'slightly increase' instead of 'slightly increase'.
  • Use more precise language to describe changes, such as 'a marginal increase' instead of 'slightly increase.'
  • Correct spelling errors, such as 'secto' to 'sector' and 'sevices' to 'services'.

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, with some errors in sentence construction and verb forms. Simple and compound sentences are used, but there is a lack of complex structures.

Recommendations:

  • Use more varied verb tenses where appropriate to show different time frames or conditions.
  • Use a wider variety of complex sentence structures to enhance grammatical range. For example, use relative clauses (e.g., 'which is projected to increase...').
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement is correct. For example, change 'there is a slightly increase' to 'there is a slight increase.'
  • Correct minor grammatical errors such as 'First at all' to 'First of all' and 'both two years' to 'both years.'

Task Achievement6.0

The essay provides a basic summary of the projected global production by sector in 2040 and 2060. It identifies the sectors and their percentages, comparing the highest and lowest sectors in both years. However, the description lacks depth and clarity in some areas, and there are inaccuracies in the data representation.

Recommendations:

  • Use precise language and correct any grammatical errors, such as 'First at all' to 'First of all.'
  • Include more detailed comparisons and trends, such as highlighting how the increase in manufacturing is more significant than in other sectors.
  • Improve clarity by organizing the information logically, perhaps starting with the highest sectors and moving to the lowest, or vice versa.
  • Ensure accurate representation of data. For example, clarify that Info-Com Tech is projected to increase from 15% to 16%, not 'a slightly increase.'
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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