BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: PROJECTIONS FOR GLOBAL PRODUCTION BY SECTOR IN 2040 AND 2060

Dive into our Band 6.5 IELTS essay sample, analyzing the projected global production percentages across six sectors from 2040 to 2060. Understand key trends in services, manufacturing, and info-com tech, as well as shifts in energy, materials, and agriculture. Step up your IELTS preparation and writing skills with our detailed analysis.

Writing Task

The charts show projections for global production by sector in 2040 and 2060.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

The given charts illustrate information about the percentage of projected production in six sectors, over a twenty-year period between 2040 to 2060 in the world. Overall, it can be clearly seen that in both years, the proportion of production in services will be the highest. With regard to the proportion of production in services, it is estimated that the figure will be accounted for 40% in the first year, and subsequently will raise slightly by only 1% to 41% in the final year. Similarly, it is expected that the manufactured production will start at 31% in 2040, after which it will increased moderately to 33% in 2060. If we look at the proportion of info-com tech production, it is predicted that it will start at 15% in 2040, and then the figure will increase moderately by 1% to 16% in the final year conversely as for the proportion of production in energy, materials, and agriculture, they will be all accounted for under 10% in both given years.
Words: 167Paragraphs: 3
Submitted: 7/17/2023, 07:35 PM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay is generally well-organized with clear paragraphing and logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the data, which aids in understanding. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother to enhance the overall coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to guide the reader through the main points being discussed.
  • Use more varied linking words and phrases to improve transitions between sentences and paragraphs, such as 'in contrast', 'furthermore', or 'moreover'.
  • Clarify the comparison between sectors by explicitly stating similarities and differences, which will help in making connections clearer.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary related to the topic, such as 'proportion,' 'projected,' 'estimated,' and 'accounted for.' However, it lacks variety and precision in some areas. Phrases like 'raise slightly' and 'increased moderately' are used repetitively, which can affect the overall lexical resource score. Additionally, there are some inaccuracies, such as 'raise' instead of 'rise,' and 'accounted for' used incorrectly in some contexts.

Recommendations:

  • Use more precise adjectives to describe changes, such as 'marginally' or 'substantially,' to convey different degrees of change more effectively.
  • Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition, such as using synonyms like 'rise' instead of 'increase' or 'growth' instead of 'raise.'
  • Ensure accurate use of phrases and terms, particularly with verbs like 'account for,' which should be used in the context of describing proportions rather than predicting them.

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and passive voice. However, there are several grammatical errors and inconsistencies that affect clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Vary sentence structures to enhance readability and demonstrate a wider grammatical range.
  • Correct the preposition usage in 'between 2040 to 2060' to 'between 2040 and 2060.'
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, such as changing 'will be accounted for' to 'will account for.'
  • Maintain consistent tense usage, such as changing 'will increased' to 'will increase.'
  • Use commas to separate clauses for clarity, e.g., 'in 2040, and then the figure will increase.'

Task Achievement6.0

The essay effectively summarizes the main features of the projected global production by sector in 2040 and 2060. It identifies the key trends, such as the dominance of the services sector and the moderate growth in manufacturing and info-com tech sectors. The essay also notes the relatively low percentages of energy, materials, and agriculture sectors. However, it lacks specific numerical data for the smaller sectors in both years, which would enhance the completeness of the report.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure consistent use of tense when describing future projections to maintain clarity.
  • Include specific numerical data for all sectors, especially for energy, materials, and agriculture, to ensure a comprehensive overview.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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