BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: EVALUATING PEOPLE'S MOTIVATIONS AND TIMING FOR QUITTING SMOKING

Explore our detailed IELTS essay sample on quit smoking reasons and statistics. Discover why health concerns lead as the primary motive at 71% and how 35% of smokers quit within 6 months. Gain insights on the financial and family pressures aiding in quitting the habit. Enhance your IELTS preparation with our band 6.5 score essay samples.

Writing Task

The tables below show people's reasons for giving up smoking, and when they intend to give up.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

The tables illustrate the reasons for quit smoking and the age that people stop smoking. In an overview, the main reason that people stop smoking is that it's better for their health and also is more eco-friendly that you do not spend money on cigarettes. Most quitters helped themselves to stop smoking after 6 months and few people succeed to stop smoking in a month. In top 5 reasons for giving up smoking, health concerns lead by 71 percent. The second place is for financial considerations with 31 percent followed by less risk of getting ill with 25 percent. Last two reasons for quit smoking are family pressure and health problems with 16 percent and 12 percent respectively. If we look at the second table that is related to the time that smokers succeeded to quit, 35 percent of smokers gave up smoking in 6 months. 21 percent of them quitted in a year and only 12 percent of them gave up smoking in just a month. A total of 71 percent of smokers intended to give up and 29 percent could not give up smoking.
Words: 186Paragraphs: 4
Submitted: 7/20/2023, 11:46 PM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay provides a clear structure, with an introduction, overview, and detailed analysis of both tables. However, there are areas where coherence and cohesion could be improved. The transitions between sentences and paragraphs are somewhat abrupt, and there are occasional inconsistencies in how information is presented. For example, the overview section lacks smooth transitions and the link between reasons and timing of quitting smoking is not clearly established.

Recommendations:

  • Consider restructuring sentences to enhance flow, such as combining shorter sentences for better readability.
  • Use more linking words and phrases to improve transitions between ideas and paragraphs, such as 'in addition,' 'furthermore,' or 'however.'
  • Ensure consistency in presenting data from the tables, explicitly linking reasons for quitting with the timing of quitting where relevant.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary suitable for the task, including terms like 'illustrate,' 'quitters,' and 'financial considerations.' However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and inaccuracies, such as 'more eco-friendly that you do not spend money on cigarettes' and 'few people succeed to stop smoking.' These errors affect clarity and precision. Additionally, there is some repetition of basic vocabulary, such as 'stop smoking' and 'give up smoking,' without the use of synonyms or varied expressions.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more precise terms related to the topic, like 'cessation' instead of 'stop smoking.'
  • Use more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition, such as 'cease smoking' or 'abstain from smoking.'
  • Improve accuracy by correcting awkward phrases, e.g., 'more eco-friendly as it reduces cigarette consumption.'

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several errors that affect clarity and coherence. Simple and compound sentences are used effectively, but complex structures are less varied and sometimes incorrect.

Recommendations:

  • Use appropriate conjunctions to enhance sentence flow, e.g., 'and few people succeed' should be 'and few people succeed in stopping smoking within a month.'
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, e.g., 'reasons for quit smoking' should be 'reasons for quitting smoking.'
  • Use consistent tense, e.g., 'Most quitters helped themselves to stop smoking' should be 'Most quitters help themselves to stop smoking.'
  • Improve sentence variety by incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as conditionals and relative clauses.

Task Achievement6.0

The essay addresses the task by summarizing the main reasons for giving up smoking and the intended timelines for quitting, as presented in the tables. Key features such as health concerns and financial considerations are highlighted, along with the percentages of smokers intending to quit within specific timeframes.

Recommendations:

  • Clarify the distinction between reasons for quitting and the timelines for quitting to enhance clarity.
  • Ensure all key data from the tables are accurately reported, such as the specific percentages for each group in both tables.
  • Include more comparisons between different categories, such as the number of cigarettes smoked per day and how it affects reasons and intentions.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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