BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: COMPREHENSIVE ANALYSIS ON EVOLVING TRENDS OF FAVORITE TAKEAWAYS AND INDIAN RESTAURANTS IN CANADA (1960-2015)

Dive into our IELTS Band 6.5 essay sample that analyzes Canadian food preferences and the growth of Indian restaurants from 1960 to 2015. Learn about the most popular takeaway foods among Canadians, the surprising number who've never ordered takeout, and the significant increase in Indian eateries over time.

Writing Task

The charts below show the favorite takeaways of people in Canada and the number of Indian restaurants in Canada between 1960 and 2015.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

The statistic reports on the preference of Canadian when ordering food, and the population of Indian eating houses from 1960 to 2015. Overall, Chinese is the most favourite takeaway; moreover, the number of Indian restaurants increased 18 times through the period. On the one hand, there are nine main countries which their food is prefered by Canadians. In details, the number of citizens who buy Chinese food is greater than that of Thai’s, at 34% and 26%, respectively. Surprisingly, 11% of Canada’s population have never ordered takeout meals. On the other hand, Canada had witnessed a significant rise in the number of Indian restaurants. First, in 1960, there were only 500 places sold Indian food. Then, this number doubled in the next year, to roughly 1000 houses. During 1970 and 2000, the number soared to 8000 restaurants. Until the end of the period, the population of shops provided Indian food fluctuated arounf approxiamately 9000 stores.
Words: 155Paragraphs: 3
Submitted: 7/19/2023, 06:59 AM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay presents information in a structured manner, but there are areas where coherence and cohesion could be enhanced. The introduction provides a general overview, but transitions between ideas and sections need improvement for better flow. The essay uses basic linking words, but more variety and precision in connectors would enhance readability. Additionally, some sentences could be restructured for clarity and logical progression.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid abrupt transitions by using connectors like 'furthermore,' 'in addition,' or 'however' to link sentences smoothly.
  • Use more varied linking words and phrases to improve transitions between ideas.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to guide the reader.
  • Clarify the relationship between the two charts by explicitly linking the data in your discussion.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, using some specific terms related to the topic, such as 'takeaway,' 'population of Indian eating houses,' and 'fluctuated.' However, there are instances of incorrect word choice and forms, such as 'prefered' instead of 'preferred,' and 'arounf approxiamately' instead of 'around approximately.' The use of 'population of shops' is also awkward and could be improved. Attempts to use more sophisticated vocabulary are present but could be more accurate and varied.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid repetition by using synonyms or rephrasing, like 'food establishments' instead of 'eating houses.'
  • Ensure correct spelling and word forms, such as 'preferred' instead of 'prefered.'
  • Use more precise and varied vocabulary to describe data trends, such as 'growth' instead of 'rise.'
  • Replace awkward phrases like 'population of shops' with more appropriate terms like 'number of establishments.'

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences. However, there are some grammatical errors and issues with sentence construction that affect clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Fix minor spelling errors like 'arounf' to 'around' and 'approxiamately' to 'approximately.'
  • Improve article usage, e.g., 'a significant rise' instead of 'significant rise.'
  • Correct subject-verb agreement errors, such as 'preference of Canadian' to 'preference of Canadians.'
  • Ensure pronoun consistency and clarity, e.g., 'their food is prefered by Canadians' should be 'whose food is preferred by Canadians.'
  • Address incorrect tense usage, such as 'Canada had witnessed' to 'Canada witnessed.'

Task Achievement6.0

The essay provides an overview of Canadians' takeaway preferences and the growth of Indian restaurants from 1960 to 2015. It identifies Chinese food as the most popular and notes the significant increase in Indian restaurants.

Recommendations:

  • Improve clarity by organizing the information more logically, separating takeaway preferences and restaurant growth more distinctly.
  • Include more specific data from the charts for a comprehensive overview, such as mentioning other takeaway percentages.
  • Ensure accurate representation of data trends, for example, clarify the fluctuation in Indian restaurant numbers after 2000.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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