BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: COMPARISON AND PREDICTIONS OF ENERGY CAPACITY IN GIGAWATTS FOR 2015 AND 2040

Explore a detailed analysis of the transition in energy capacity from 2015 to 2040 in this IELTS band 6.5 essay sample. Discover how the reliance on fossil fuels declines while solar and wind energy significantly increases. Dive into the future of energy with our comprehensive study.

Writing Task

The pie charts below compare the proportion of energy capacity in gigawatts (GW) in 2015 with the predictions for 2040.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

The pie charts present the percentage of energy capacity in gigawatts in 2015 to compare with 2040.It can clearly be seen that the amount of fossil fuels will decrease in 2040 and solar energy will grow in the future to compare with 2015.In addition there will be more capacity in 2040. To begin with , in 2015 the most of the energy capacity came from fossil fuels and it was 64%.On the other hand the other renewables were 23% of the pie chart and the wind ,solar and nuclear were less than 10%. Nevertheless,in 2040 fossil fuels will drop to 44% .Furthermore,the energy of the sun and wind will increase and the solar power will be 18% and wind will grow to 12%.Besides , nuclear and other renewables will not change too much. The capacity of energy was 6.688 gigawatts in 2015 and it will be 11.678 gigawatts in 2040.
Words: 150Paragraphs: 2
Submitted: 7/26/2023, 08:16 AM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay generally maintains a logical flow, comparing energy capacities in 2015 and 2040. It starts with an overview and then details the changes in energy sources. However, the transitions between ideas are sometimes abrupt, and the paragraphing could be improved for better clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure consistent use of punctuation to improve readability, such as placing commas after introductory phrases.
  • Use linking words and phrases more effectively to connect ideas smoothly, such as 'in contrast,' 'similarly,' or 'as a result.'
  • Improve paragraph structure by clearly separating the introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph should focus on a specific aspect or comparison.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of energy capacity. However, there are instances of repetition and some awkward phrasing that could be improved. For example, the phrase "to compare with" is used incorrectly, and there is a lack of variety in expressions for increase and decrease. The essay could benefit from more precise and varied vocabulary to enhance clarity and engagement.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more descriptive adjectives and adverbs to provide clearer distinctions between energy sources, like 'significant' or 'moderate.'
  • Replace repetitive phrases such as "to compare with" with more accurate expressions like "compared to" or "in comparison with."
  • Use a wider range of synonyms for 'increase' and 'decrease,' such as 'rise,' 'grow,' 'decline,' or 'fall.'
  • Ensure the use of prepositions is accurate, such as 'in 2015' instead of 'to compare with 2015.'

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, with some complex sentences. However, there are several errors in punctuation, verb tense, and sentence structure, which affect clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Review subject-verb agreement to avoid errors such as 'the most of the energy capacity came'.
  • Use a wider variety of sentence structures, including more complex sentences, to enhance grammatical range.
  • Check verb tenses for consistency, especially when discussing future predictions.
  • Ensure correct use of punctuation, particularly with commas, to separate clauses and ideas.

Task Achievement6.0

The essay provides a summary of the pie charts comparing energy capacity in 2015 and predictions for 2040, mentioning key changes in fossil fuels and solar energy. It includes specific percentages and overall capacity figures, fulfilling the task of describing and comparing main features.

Recommendations:

  • Use more varied vocabulary to describe changes, such as 'rise,' 'fall,' 'increase,' or 'decrease' to enhance clarity and engagement.
  • Ensure accurate representation of all categories. Mention the specific percentage for nuclear energy in 2040, which is omitted.
  • Provide a clearer overview at the beginning, summarizing the main trends and changes before delving into specifics.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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