BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: COMPARING NEWS ACCESS METHODS IN CANADA AND AUSTRALIA

Explore our IELTS band 6.5 essay sample that details and compares how news is accessed in Canada and Australia. Unpack the popularity of online websites, social media, and traditional TV as primary news sources. Discover more IELTS essay samples on our site.

Writing Task

The pie charts compare ways of accessing the news in Canada and Australia.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

The charts illustrate the news accessing routes in Canada and Australia and compare these two countries. In an overview, we can see that other ways have the least share in both Canada and Australia. It is also can be seen that Online news websites or social media and TV are both popular in these two countries. In Canada, TV is the main route to access news and leads the chart with 40 percent. In the second place, we have Online ways with 36 percent of the share followed by Printed papers like Newspapers or Magazines with 14 percent. In the end, there is Radio and other ways with 7 and 3 percent of the whole share respectively. Looking into Australia chart, Online News is the leader with 52 percent. 37 percent of the share is for TV followed by Printed News with 7 percent. In the last two places, we have Online routes and not specified ways with equal 2 percent.
Words: 161Paragraphs: 5
Submitted: 7/20/2023, 03:29 PM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, an overview, and detailed comparisons of the data. However, there are areas where coherence and cohesion could be improved for better flow and clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Use more varied sentence structures to connect ideas smoothly, such as using complex sentences to show relationships between data points.
  • Clarify ambiguous phrases, such as 'other ways,' by specifying or rephrasing them to ensure clarity.
  • Improve the use of linking words to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs. For example, use 'Furthermore' or 'Additionally' to connect related points.
  • Ensure consistency in terminology. Use either 'Online news' or 'Online ways' consistently throughout the essay to avoid confusion.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay uses a range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, including terms like 'illustrate,' 'routes,' 'share,' and 'leader.' However, there are some repetitive phrases and minor inaccuracies that affect the lexical resource.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more varied descriptive adjectives to enhance the detail, such as 'dominant' for 'main route.'
  • Use synonyms to reduce repetition, such as 'methods' instead of 'ways.'
  • Ensure correct usage of phrases, like changing 'it is also can be seen' to 'it can also be seen.'

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences, but there are several errors that affect clarity and accuracy.

Recommendations:

  • Use more varied sentence structures to enhance the grammatical range, such as conditional or passive forms.
  • Avoid unnecessary repetition of phrases like 'Online news websites or social media and TV.' Simplify to improve clarity.
  • Correct errors in sentence structure, such as 'It is also can be seen.' Use 'It can also be seen' instead.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, e.g., 'Online routes and not specified ways with equal 2 percent' should be 'Online routes and not specified ways each have 2 percent.'

Task Achievement6.0

The essay provides a clear summary of the pie charts, highlighting the main ways of accessing news in Canada and Australia. It identifies key features, such as the dominance of TV and online news in both countries, and provides specific percentages for each category. The essay makes relevant comparisons between the two countries, noting differences in the popularity of online news and TV.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure all categories from the charts are mentioned consistently, such as specifying that 'other ways' is referred to as 'not specified' in the charts.
  • Include a more detailed introduction that clearly states the purpose of the essay and describes the charts.
  • Avoid repeating information unnecessarily, such as stating that TV and online news are popular in both countries twice.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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