BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: COMPARATIVE STUDY OF FOREIGN STUDENTS IN ENGLISH-SPEAKING COUNTRIES - 2004 AND 2012

Explore our band 6.5 IELTS essay sample that analyzes data from overseas students studying in USA, UK, Australia, and Canada during 2004 and 2012. Dive into comprehensive insights about student growth and popular education destinations.

Writing Task

The bar chart show information about students from abroad studying in four English-speaking countries in 2004 and 2012.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

The bar chart and table present data from overseas students who studying in 4 English speaking countries in 2004 and 2012. It can clearly be seen that there were more students in 2012 than 2004 in USA , UK , Australia and Canada. To begin with , USA had about 250 thousands foreign students in 2012 and this amount is just over 50 thousands in Canada.In addition , USA was the popular destination for students. On the other hand UK and Australia had almost the same number in 2004 and 2012 . They were more than 100 thousands in 2004 in both countries and near 200 thousands in 2012. In fact , the number of students increased sharply in UK and Australia in 2012. Secondly , the percentage of students grew in UK , Australia and Canada in 2012 . While USA experienced the same percentage as 2004 in 2012.
Words: 150Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/18/2023, 08:29 PM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay provides a clear structure but lacks smooth transitions and logical progression between ideas. The use of linking words is minimal, making the text feel somewhat disjointed.

Recommendations:

  • Use more linking words and phrases to connect ideas, such as 'furthermore,' 'in contrast,' or 'as a result.'
  • Improve paragraphing by starting a new paragraph for each main idea or comparison.
  • Ensure a logical progression of ideas by grouping related information together, such as discussing all data for each country before moving to the next.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary with some attempts at variation. However, there is room for improvement in precision and variety.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid repetition by using synonyms for 'students' such as 'learners' or 'scholars.'
  • Use a wider range of vocabulary to describe data, such as 'significant rise,' 'moderate increase,' or 'steady growth.'
  • Incorporate more precise language to describe changes, like 'approximately,' 'nearly,' or 'just over.'
  • Ensure correct usage of collocations, such as 'studying in' instead of 'studying at.'

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, with some errors in verb forms and sentence structure. There is an attempt to use complex sentences, but they are not always accurate.

Recommendations:

  • Use consistent verb tenses, e.g., 'had about 250 thousands' should be 'had about 250 thousand.'
  • Improve sentence structure for clarity, e.g., 'this amount is just over 50 thousands in Canada' should be 'while in Canada, the number was just over 50 thousand.'
  • Vary sentence structures by using more complex sentences accurately, e.g., 'In fact, the number of students increased sharply in UK and Australia in 2012' could be expanded to explain the context or comparison.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, e.g., 'students who studying' should be 'students who are studying.'

Task Achievement6.0

The essay provides a general overview of the data, noting the increase in foreign students in all four countries from 2004 to 2012. However, it lacks specific details and comparisons from the bar chart and table.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure all key features from the chart and table are summarized, including the percentage changes in student numbers.
  • Make clear comparisons between the countries, highlighting differences and similarities in trends over the years.
  • Clarify the statement about the USA's percentage remaining the same, and explain its significance in comparison to other countries.
  • Include specific data points from the chart and table to support your statements. For example, mention the exact number of students in each country for both years.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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