BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: COMPARATIVE ANALYSIS OF POPULAR CANADIAN TAKEAWAYS AND INDIAN RESTAURANTS (1960-2015)

Explore our detailed analysis of IELTS band 6.5 essay sample on the popularity of take away foods in Canada and the growth of Indian restaurants from 1960 to 2015. Discover key trends and percentages for a successful IELTS essay.

Writing Task

The charts below show the favorite takeaways of people in Canada and the number of Indian restaurants in Canada between 1960 and 2015.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

The pie chart illustrates the proportion of favorite take away foods in Canada restaurant, and the total number of Indian restaurant over a period of 55 years from 1960 to 2015. Looking from an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that Chinese and Indian foods had the most popularity among Canadian population, moreover, there was an upward trend in the restaurants from India region. Regarding pie chart, the Chinese and Indian foods were the most favorable with 34% and 26%, respectively. Hence, Italian, Persian, and Never order had shown relatively the same percentile around 9 %to 11%. It also noticeable that, Thai foods had only opted by 3% while comparing with the other ones. In terms of number of Indian restaurants, there were approximately 500 restaurants, which increased substantially until 2000, reached the point 8000. this was 4 times greater than its beginning number. In the next fifteen years, the number of restaurant s hovered between 8000-9000.
Words: 157Paragraphs: 2
Submitted: 7/19/2023, 07:30 AM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay presents information about favorite takeaways in Canada and the number of Indian restaurants over time. It generally follows a logical structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are areas where coherence and cohesion can be improved.

Recommendations:

  • Use referencing words like 'these,' 'those,' or 'such' to avoid repetition and maintain cohesion.
  • Improve paragraph transitions to enhance flow. Use linking words such as 'in addition,' 'furthermore,' or 'however' to connect ideas more clearly.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear focus. For instance, separate the discussion of the pie chart and the bar chart more distinctly to avoid confusion.
  • Clarify comparisons by using consistent language, such as 'higher than,' 'lower than,' or 'similar to,' to make relationships between data points clearer.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, using terms like "proportion," "upward trend," and "substantially." However, there are some issues with word choice and collocation, such as "take away foods" instead of "takeaway foods," and "opted by" instead of "chosen by." Additionally, there are some repetitive phrases like "Indian restaurants," which could be varied to enhance lexical resource.

Recommendations:

  • Improve collocation usage, such as 'chosen by' instead of 'opted by.'
  • Incorporate linking words and phrases to enhance cohesion, such as 'similarly' or 'in contrast.'
  • Use more precise vocabulary, such as 'takeaway foods' instead of 'take away foods.'
  • Avoid repetition by using synonyms or varied expressions, like 'eateries' or 'dining establishments' for 'restaurants.'

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several errors that affect clarity and coherence. The writer uses a mix of simple and complex sentences; however, some sentences are fragmented or lack proper punctuation. For example, 'Looking from an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that Chinese and Indian foods had the most popularity among Canadian population, moreover, there was an upward trend in the restaurants from India region.' This sentence is a run-on and could be split into two sentences for better clarity. Additionally, there are issues with article usage and subject-verb agreement, such as 'the proportion of favorite take away foods in Canada restaurant.'

Recommendations:

  • Vary sentence structures to include more complex sentences, but ensure they are grammatically correct.
  • Use articles correctly. For example, 'Canada restaurant' should be 'Canadian restaurants.'
  • Avoid run-on sentences by using appropriate punctuation or breaking them into separate sentences.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement throughout the essay. For instance, 'foods had the most popularity' can be rephrased to 'foods were the most popular.'

Task Achievement6.0

The essay provides a general overview of the data, identifying Chinese and Indian foods as the most popular takeaways and noting the increase in Indian restaurants over time. However, it lacks some specific details and comparisons required for full task achievement.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure all sentences are complete and clearly structured, avoiding fragmented sentences.
  • Include specific data points for all categories in the pie chart, such as percentages for Mexican, Japanese, and Greek foods.
  • Clarify the trends over time for the number of Indian restaurants, using specific years and numbers to highlight changes.
  • Make more relevant comparisons, such as the growth rate of Indian restaurants over specific decades or compare less popular takeaways with the most popular ones.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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