BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: COMPARATIVE ANALYSIS OF ENERGY CAPACITY PROPORTIONS FOR 2015 AND PREDICTIONS FOR 2040

Explore our detailed IELTS essay sample with Band 6.5 score - an in-depth analysis of global energy capacity evolution from 2015 to 2040. Discover key insights into the growth of renewable energies like solar and wind and prevailing dominance of fossil fuels.

Writing Task

The pie charts below compare the proportion of energy capacity in gigawatts (GW) in 2015 with the predictions for 2040.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

The pie charts illustrate the capacity percentage of different types of energy in gigawatts (GW) in 2015 and predict the 2040 figures for it. Overall, it is clear that the technology in 2040 will be capable for much higher energy capacity, with fossil fuels will still dominate the chart. Meanwhile, the remaining which constitued small minority of capacity in 2015, are set to increase significantly in 2040. Looking at the charts, in 2015, fossil fuels accounted for the highest proportion at 64%, almost doubled that of other renewable energy at just under a quarter. Moreover, the projection shows fossil fuel will continue to be dominant, though seems to have been decreased slightly by one fifth by the end of 2040. Other renewable energy, similarly, are anticipated to drop by 2%. By contrast, solar, nuclear and wind energy combined only took up 16% of the chart in 2015. However, it is projected that by 2040, solar power will have been rocketed to 18%, which is nine times as high as the figure in 2015. Wind energy is also likely to increase sharply to over one tenth, whilst nuclear, conversly, will witness a slight decrease to 5%.
Words: 195Paragraphs: 3
Submitted: 7/12/2023, 06:28 AM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay generally maintains coherence and cohesion, with a clear structure and logical progression of ideas. It begins with an overview, followed by detailed comparisons of energy sources between 2015 and 2040. However, some areas could benefit from improved linking and clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Use varied language to avoid repetition, such as replacing 'similarly' with 'likewise' or 'in the same way' to maintain reader interest.
  • Ensure accurate grammatical structures, such as 'constituted' instead of 'constitued,' to maintain coherence.
  • Ensure consistent use of linking words and phrases to enhance flow between sentences and paragraphs. For example, use 'however' instead of 'meanwhile' to contrast changes in fossil fuels and other sources.
  • Clarify vague references such as 'the remaining' and 'the projection shows' to specify which energy sources are being discussed, improving clarity.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay uses a range of vocabulary to describe the energy capacity data, with some attempts at more advanced lexical choices. However, there are occasional inaccuracies and awkward phrasing that detract from clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate a wider range of synonyms to avoid repetition, such as using 'predicted' instead of 'projected.'
  • Use precise vocabulary to describe data, e.g., use 'constituted' instead of 'constitued.'
  • Avoid awkward phrasing such as 'will have been rocketed.' Consider 'is projected to increase significantly.'
  • Ensure correct use of collocations, such as 'capable of' instead of 'capable for.'

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several errors affecting clarity and precision. The use of tenses and agreement issues are notable, particularly in complex sentences.

Recommendations:

  • Correct minor spelling errors, such as 'constitued' to 'constituted' and 'conversly' to 'conversely.'
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, such as 'fossil fuel will continue to be dominant, though seems to have been decreased' to 'though it seems to have decreased.'
  • Use more varied sentence structures to enhance grammatical range, such as incorporating relative clauses or passive constructions.
  • Correct verb tense errors, such as 'will be capable for' to 'will be capable of' and 'with fossil fuels will still dominate' to 'with fossil fuels still dominating.'

Task Achievement6.0

The essay provides a general overview of the pie charts, identifying the main trends and comparisons between 2015 and 2040. It highlights the dominance of fossil fuels and the expected increase in solar and wind energy. However, it lacks specific details and numerical accuracy in some parts.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure the description of changes is accurate, such as the decrease in fossil fuels from 64% to 44% rather than 'one fifth.'
  • Include specific numerical data to support the comparisons and trends mentioned, such as the exact percentages for each energy type in both years.
  • Clarify the categories and maintain consistent terminology, like using 'other renewables' correctly and ensuring it matches the chart.
  • Provide a clearer summary of the overall trends, focusing on the total increase in energy capacity and the shift towards renewables.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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