BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: COMPARATIVE ANALYSIS OF ENERGY CAPACITY FROM 2015 TO 2040

Explore our IELTS essay sample with a band score 6.5 detailing the shifts in energy production from 2015 to 2040. Learn about the significant decrease in fossil fuels, the slight reduction in nuclear energy, and the rising influence of wind and solar energy. A key tool for studying the global shift towards sustainable energy sources and preparing for your IELTS examination.

Writing Task

The pie charts below compare the proportion of energy capacity in gigawatts (GW) in 2015 with the predictions for 2040.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

The charts above illustrate the energy limits of different sources in the year 2015 and 2040. In general, there will be an large increase in capacity of the energy from 6.688 GW in the year 2015 and 11.678 GW in 2040 and dramatic changes in the sources of energy. Firstly, there will be a large decrease in production of fossil fuels from 64% to 44%, and slight reduction in nuclear energy (6% to 5%) and other renewables source of energy as 23% in 2015 and 21% in 2040. This is a rather bright sign for the environment and humans are heading towards a brighter non-polutted future Secondly, the sources of energy that have increased in capacity is wind and solar energy, both are very widely used renewable energy sources, the quantity of wind energy goes up by 7% (from 5% to 12%) for solar energy was quite a dramatic fluctuation from a whopping 2% (2015) to 18% (2040)
Words: 158Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/14/2023, 06:01 AM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay provides a clear overview of the changes in energy capacity from 2015 to 2040, with a logical structure that guides the reader through the comparisons. It begins with an introduction that sets the context, followed by two main body paragraphs that discuss decreases and increases in energy sources. Transitional phrases like 'Firstly' and 'Secondly' help in structuring the essay, but there are areas where cohesion could be improved for smoother flow.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure consistency in tense usage to maintain clarity.
  • Use more varied linking words and phrases to enhance cohesion between sentences and paragraphs.
  • Avoid informal language, such as 'a whopping,' to maintain academic tone.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary with some attempts at using less common words and phrases, such as "dramatic changes," "bright sign," and "non-polluted future." However, there are noticeable inaccuracies and repetitions that affect clarity and precision. The use of terms like "energy limits" instead of "energy capacity" and "non-polutted" instead of "non-polluted" indicates a need for more accurate word choice. Additionally, the essay could benefit from more varied expressions to describe increases and decreases, as well as more precise technical vocabulary related to energy.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid repetition by using synonyms or rephrasing sentences.
  • Expand vocabulary related to energy and environmental topics to improve precision.
  • Use a wider range of expressions to describe changes, such as 'rise,' 'fall,' 'growth,' 'decline,' 'increase,' and 'decrease.'
  • Ensure accurate word choice and spelling to avoid misunderstandings (e.g., 'non-polluted' instead of 'non-polutted').

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several areas where improvement is needed to enhance clarity and accuracy.

Recommendations:

  • Use more complex sentence structures to enhance variety and demonstrate a wider grammatical range.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, e.g., 'there will be an large increase' should be 'there will be a large increase.'
  • Improve article usage, e.g., 'sources of energy as 23%' should be 'sources of energy from 23%'.
  • Be consistent with tense usage, especially when describing future predictions.
  • Review punctuation use for clarity, such as adding commas where necessary to separate clauses.

Task Achievement6.0

The essay accurately describes the main changes in energy capacity from 2015 to 2040, focusing on the decrease in fossil fuels and the increase in renewable sources like wind and solar energy. It highlights the overall increase in energy capacity and makes relevant comparisons between the years.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid subjective language such as 'a rather bright sign' to maintain an objective tone.
  • Include more specific data for 'other renewables' to fully cover all categories.
  • Clarify the term 'other renewables' to avoid confusion and ensure all terms are clearly defined.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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