BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYZING SEASONAL TRENDS IN BRISK CAFÉ'S DAILY FOOD SALES

Explore our detailed analysis of a band 6.5 IELTS essay sample based on a bar chart on average daily sales of food items at Brisk Cafe, showcasing seasonal preferences for hot and cold food items. Discover how coffee and soup sales peak in winter, with iced coffee and ice cream taking the lead in summer, while salads maintain consistent popularity throughout the year.

Writing Task

The graph below shows the average daily sales of selected food items at the Brisk Café, by season.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

Given is a bar chart illustrating the average sales per day of some food items at the Cafe, named Brisk Cafe. Information is categorized based on hot and cold seasons. Looking from an overall perspective, it is obvious that hot coffee was more popular in winter whereas iced coffee was demanded in summer. Some items had the same sales all over the year, including salads. As it is shown in the graph, hot drinks and meals had more customers in winter. Hot coffee was served more than 70 per day. However, it served only 30 times in summer. Soup was the other popular item in cold medium. It sold 50 times in winter, and around 25 in summer. Iced coffee was highly sold in summer with exactly 20 servings. But, it was not really sold in winter. Ice cream served 35 times in summer and just 25 times in winter. Salad had the same figures throughout the year with around 25 times.
Words: 162Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/23/2023, 06:55 AM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay presents information logically with a clear structure, discussing each food item by season. However, transitions between ideas could be smoother, and some sentences are abrupt, affecting flow.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to guide the reader through the points being discussed.
  • Use linking words and phrases to create smoother transitions between sentences and ideas, such as 'in contrast,' 'similarly,' or 'as a result.'
  • Avoid abrupt sentences by combining shorter sentences for better flow, such as merging related ideas into compound or complex sentences.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, but there is room for improvement in terms of precision and variety.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate linking words to enhance the cohesion of the essay, such as 'additionally,' 'furthermore,' or 'in contrast.'
  • Use more varied and precise vocabulary to describe data and trends. For example, replace 'more popular' with 'predominantly preferred' or 'highly favored.'
  • Avoid repetition of words like 'served' and 'sold.' Use synonyms such as 'offered,' 'provided,' or 'distributed.'
  • Include more descriptive adjectives to enhance detail, such as 'significantly higher' or 'notably lower.'

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and passive voice. However, there are some areas where grammatical accuracy could be improved, such as verb tense consistency and article usage.

Recommendations:

  • Use more varied sentence structures to enhance grammatical range, such as using more relative clauses or conditional sentences.
  • Ensure consistent use of verb tenses, especially when describing data (e.g., 'was served' should match 'it served').
  • Improve article usage by correctly using 'the' and 'a/an' where necessary (e.g., 'a bar chart' instead of 'bar chart').

Task Achievement6.0

The essay effectively summarizes the main features of the graph, highlighting the seasonal variations in sales of different food items at Brisk Café. It identifies key trends, such as the higher sales of hot coffee and soup in winter and iced coffee in summer. The essay also notes items with consistent sales throughout the year, like salads. However, it could benefit from more precise data references and a clearer structure to enhance clarity and comprehensiveness.

Recommendations:

  • Enhance the introduction by briefly stating the overall trend before diving into specifics.
  • Include specific data points for all mentioned items to provide a clearer picture of the trends.
  • Ensure consistency in describing data, such as using 'times' or 'servings' consistently.
  • Structure the essay to clearly separate the discussion of winter and summer trends.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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