BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYZING ROAD TRANSPORT TRENDS IN EUROPEAN COUNTRIES

Dive into our comprehensive IELTS essay sample analyzing transport means and commuting times across key European countries. Discover why Denmark leads in transport volume and the UK tops daily commuting times. Perfect for IELTS Band 6.5 aspirants!

Writing Task

The bar charts below give information on road transport in a number of European countries.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

The bar charts present information about the means and the daily time of transports in several European countries. Overall, Denmark has had the highest amount of transports among all six countries in this study and the people of the UK have had greatest daily amount of time spent on their ways. Focusing on the travels, except Germany and Spain with about 9000 km per day, all countries in this study have had higher amounts of transports done by personal cars than EU average of 10000 km per year. In Denmark with 3000 km per year, people were more likely to use public transports or bicycles compared to 5 other regions while the EU average has been around 12000. regarding the commuting time stats, just Italy with about 20 minutes per day has had a lower time than EU average which is more than half an hour. Danish people spend about 2 minutes more than the French and 7 more than Spanish people on the roads while the Germans and the British people spend for 45 minutes to go to work and get back to home everyday.
Words: 186Paragraphs: 4
Submitted: 7/19/2023, 10:02 PM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay provides a structured overview of the data but lacks clear logical progression and effective use of cohesive devices. There are some inaccuracies in the interpretation of data, which affects coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Use consistent terminology and avoid switching between terms like 'transports' and 'travel' without clear context.
  • Ensure logical progression by clearly linking each paragraph to the central theme of the essay.
  • Use a variety of cohesive devices to connect sentences and ideas more effectively.
  • Accurately interpret and report data to maintain coherence and avoid misleading information.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to transportation and comparisons, but there are areas where lexical choices could be more varied and precise. Some phrases are repeated, and there are instances of awkward phrasing and minor inaccuracies.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure consistency in tense usage to maintain clarity, such as using past tense consistently if referring to past data.
  • Use a wider range of vocabulary to describe data and comparisons, such as 'exceeds,' 'significantly more,' or 'substantially less,' to avoid repetition.
  • Replace vague terms like 'amounts of transports' with more precise language, such as 'modes of transport' or 'transportation methods.'
  • Incorporate more advanced vocabulary and phrases for describing data trends, such as 'predominantly,' 'notably,' or 'considerably.'

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and verb tenses. However, there are some inaccuracies and inconsistencies in verb tense usage and article application, which affect clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Use more varied sentence structures to enhance grammatical range (e.g., conditional or passive forms).
  • Ensure consistent use of past simple tense when describing past data (e.g., 'has had' should be 'had').
  • Improve article usage (e.g., 'the greatest daily amount of time' instead of 'greatest daily amount of time').

Task Achievement6.0

The essay provides an overview of road transport in several European countries, focusing on travel distance by car and public transport, and commuting times. It identifies Denmark as having the highest use of public transport and bicycles, and the UK with the longest commuting times. However, there are inaccuracies in the data interpretation and lack of clarity in comparisons.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure consistent use of tense and correct grammatical structures to enhance clarity and coherence.
  • Improve clarity in comparisons, ensuring each point is directly supported by data from the charts.
  • Include all relevant data points, such as mentioning Denmark's high public transport usage without comparing it to other countries accurately.
  • Ensure accuracy in data interpretation, such as stating Denmark has the highest amount of transports when it actually has the highest use of public transport.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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